Evenings and weekends can be blurs of meal preparations, laundry care, grocery shopping, as well as practices, recitals and meetings. You may feel as if your family life is not only neglected, but perhaps non-existent. Most of your time together, in fact, may somehow turn into open disagreements or tense silences. You may not even be able to think of the last time you shared a good laugh or a moment of play. You and your family, however, do not have to settle for just surviving in your relationships with one another. Instead, you can learn how to strengthen your family life together.
Step 1
Share emotions with one another in healthy ways. For example, instead of making an accusatory statement, like "You don't care about my feelings," when you feel angry, try to communicate what you feel by using an ownership statement, such as "I feel hurt when you make fun of what I say." Expressing emotions in vulnerable ways, instead of acting out of or repressing emotions, can help family members to feel safe with one another.
Step 2
Take proactive steps to resolve conflict as soon as it arises. Gary Smalley, in "Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships," explains that when you resolve conflict, you seek to find a solution that works for every person involved and that strengthens the relationships between family members. Resolving conflict can take time to learn, but addressing conflict soon after it occurs and then resolving it in healthy ways will help each family member to feel more secure.
Step 3
Schedule time to play together on a regular basis, such as a weekly family game night or an annual camping trip. Smalley points out that close-knit families spend regular time together and choose to do things that involve every member of the family. You may work on creative projects together, for example, or you may develop simple family routines that involve every family member, like Saturday morning house cleanings.
Step 4
Develop meaningful family traditions together. John C. Maxwell, in "Today Matters," explains that "traditions give your family a shared history and a strong sense of identity." Traditions can include holidays and birthdays, and Maxwell recommends taking family vacations every year as well, as you will often "...remember more of them than the presents you received." Consider mixing elements of your family's heritage and your children's interests into your traditions.
Step 5
Celebrate one another on a regular basis, perhaps with a special party to say "We're proud of you." Find ways, as well, to express unconditional love and appreciation for one another in your day-to-day lives, such as with small notes or verbal praise. Maxwell explains that "one of the most positive things you can do for your spouse and children is really get to know them and love them simply because they are yours."
Tips and Warnings
- Ask for help if you find that you and your family are struggling to adopt healthy practices to improve your family life. A family counselor or a support group with your local church or community center can help to support you as you seek to make healthy changes.
- Remain persistent even if you and your family find lifestyle changes difficult at first to adopt. Habits and routines can be difficult to change in the beginning, but the results of a stronger, safer family environment will be well worth the time and effort.
References
- "Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships"; Gary Smalley; 2003
- "Today Matters"; John C. Maxwell; 2004
