Defiance and childhood sometimes seem to go hand-in-hand, according to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, which notes that arguing, talking back, disobeying and defying parents and other adults can signal normal development for 2- to 3-year-olds. By starting early with appropriate discipline, parents can help a defiant child learn ways to redirect his obstinate behavior.
Step 1
Evaluate the reason for the defiance. An 18-month-old slapping your hand away when you offer to help her stack blocks may seem like defiance, but she may just want to try out her skills without help. Toddlers can resort to defiant behavior when tired, hungry or feeling insecure about a new experience. Understanding the underlying cause may lessen your frustration as you address the unacceptable behavior.
Step 2
Discipline defiant behavior according to age. When a crawling baby refuses to leave the dog food alone, pick up the food, redirect his attention or remove him from the area. Short, one- to two-minute time-outs are effective when dealing with toddlers who hit, bite or throw food, according to Kids Health. Explain why the behavior was inappropriate as you place him in a chair or other designated time-out area. If a 9-year-old repeatedly refuses to do homework before bedtime, try letting him suffer the lower grade or other consequences of going to school without it. Talk with his teacher so she can help you determine suitable consequences for his behavior.
Step 3
Make the rules, explain the consequences and remain consistent with your discipline. Tell a toddler the first time she throws a toy at someone that such behavior is not acceptable and discuss what will happen if she throws it again, e.g. she cannot play with the toy for the rest of the day. When she throws the toy again, remind her of the rule and enforce the consequence. Kids Health notes that the earlier parents establish a pattern of following through with discipline, the sooner children learn to face the consequences of the choices they make.
Step 4
Stay calm. Defiant or oppositional behavior can understandably stretch a parent's patience to the limit. However, you can show and teach your child how to express anger and handle frustration appropriately when you remain calm yourself, according to Kids Health. Speak firmly. Avoid arguing about the issue, yelling, harsh criticisms or threats.
Step 5
Change tactics if necessary. Children who continue unacceptable behavior may respond to a behavioral chart. Post the chart on the refrigerator. Give him a star for going a specified amount of time without repeating the inappropriate behavior. When he collects a certain number of stars, you can give him a more coveted reward, possibly extra TV time one evening. This may help your defiant child see concrete reasons to change his behavior.
Step 6
Ask for help. Children with persistent patterns of defiant and hostile behavior toward authority figures may need evaluation for behavioral disorders, such as oppositional defiant disorder, according to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. Talk with your family physician if you feel your child needs screening regarding her behavior.
