Putting your marriage back together after you or your husband has had an affair involves both of you working together toward that common goal. To win him back, you will have to show him that you still love him and you will have to let him know that you want him back. Sometimes, just asking him to come back isn't enough.
Step 1
Ensure the affair is over. If you or your husband is still involved with another person, there probably isn't going to be a way for you to win him back.
Step 2
Pull yourself together. Make sure that you are strong enough emotionally to handle the stress of winning your husband back. Think about the affair and how it made you feel. If you need to, talk to a professional to work out your feelings about the affair.
Step 3
Remind your husband why he married you. Think back to the things you would do when you were dating. For example, if you wore makeup and dressed nicely then, do that now if you haven't been, or if you had a positive personality when you were dating, make sure that you have one now that you are trying to win him back.
Step 4
Ask your husband out on a date to do something you both enjoy. Make sure that you stay upbeat and that you both have a good time. This date should be like when you and your husband were dating before your engagement.
Step 5
Prove to your husband that he can trust you and show him that you are willing to trust him. To prove that he can trust you, always do what you tell him you are going to do. Be honest about everything. To show that you trust him, don't over-questions statements he makes to you and don't do things that include going through his phone or computer to find out what he is doing.
Step 6
Talk to your husband about your problems. No matter which of you two had the affair, talking through the hurt and feelings is necessary for the relationship to continue. Be calm when you talk to him. Don't accuse him of anything and apologize for anything you did wrong---even if he is the one who had the affair.
Step 7
Listen to your husband. If you had the affair, you will have to give him a chance to let you know how you made him feel. If he had the affair, listen closely to the reasons why he strayed. In either case, you must actively listen. To do this, focus only on him and ensure you understand what he is saying by paraphrasing his statements to him, recommends the University of Colorado.
Step 8
Enroll in counseling or speak to a clergy member together if you and your husband have conversations that don't make any headway after 30 minutes, recommends SmartMarriages.com. Someone outside of your relationship may be able to give you pointers about making your relationship work. This person can probably help you to work through areas where you are having trouble seeing eye-to-eye.
