How To Make Friends When You're Shy

Friendship, according to the New York Times--which cited several studies in an article on the importance of friendship-- might rank right up there with exercise and sensible nutrition when it comes to prolonging your life. And while shyness itself is not a risk factor and is actually part of the palate of human diversity, it can be detrimental if shyness translates into chronic loneliness. Friendships are important; more precisely, deep, meaningful relationships are important. It is therefore necessary to transcend shyness at least temporarily, to forge and maintain friendships.

Step 1

Accept your shyness. According to Dr. Alan Loy McGinnis, a healthy sense of self-worth is essential for intimacy, and friendship is certainly that. On the other hand, craving approval because you feel bad about yourself is a recipe for disaster.

Step 2

Learn to control your facial expressions and body language. In extreme shyness, it might be a good idea to sign up for a few sessions of behavioral therapy. Contrary to talk therapy or psychoanalysis, behavioral therapy can teach social skills so you avoid inadvertently giving the wrong signals to others. You can learn to appear friendly and at ease, qualities that will attract other people to you naturally.

Step 3

Face the fear that lies at the bottom of your shyness. Again, a therapist or life coach can help you deal with those issues and with setting and implementing goals to gradually become more immune to distress in social situations. The result will be that you can focus on the person you would like to befriend, instead of focusing on your own insecurities and what negative things she might be thinking about you.

Step 4

Identify the things closest to your heart. You might be athletic, or care deeply about the environment, or be a lifelong dog lover. All those interests can serve you in your quest for friends. You can join a sports team, volunteer at an animal shelter, or join an environmental action group. Anything that brings people with a similar interest together will give you an opportunity to make friends in a natural setting while being focused on something outside yourself.