Motivating your spouse to find a job can be very challenging. There could be several reasons your partner does not feel compelled to look for work. Motivation for change comes from within, so there are no guarantees that even your best efforts will make him want to look for a job. You can increase the chances of successfully motivating your spouse to find employment through effective communication and problem solving.
Step 1
Ask your spouse why she does not feel motivated to find work. She may be content staying home or feel she needs to stay home to care for young children. Maybe she wants to find a job, but feels she does not have the skills and talent to find the type of job she wants. If she has been looking for work and had no luck, she may have become discouraged about the job search process.
Step 2
Share your feelings about the situation with your spouse. Let him know if you feel overwhelmed bearing the financial burden alone, or if you would like to be able to save money for the future. If the two of you have long-term financial goals, such as saving for a child's college education or retirement, explain how two incomes can increase the chance of turning your dreams into reality.
Step 3
Help eliminate obstacles that your spouse perceives as stopping her from looking for work. Discuss her concerns about matters, including child care, job skills, transportation and work attire. Brainstorm possible solutions that address her concerns.
Step 4
Encourage all efforts your spouse makes toward finding work if he decides to find a job. It is important to praise his efforts, not just results. Remember the first steps toward finding a job may only be baby steps. Be supportive and show your appreciation for things, including updating his resume, searching online job boards or brushing up on his job skills.
Tips and Warnings
- When you talk to your spouse about looking for a job, she may be more receptive if you use "I" statements. According to the University of Florida IFAS Extension, "I" statements express non-threatening emotions because they focus on how you feel. "You" statements tend to evoke defensiveness because they put the blame for your feelings on your partner's behavior.
- Be alert to signs that your spouse is not looking for a job because he is depressed. According to Helpguide.org, signs of depression include withdrawal from others, fatigue, alcohol or drug abuse, apathy, major changes in eating or sleeping habits, and loss in interest in activities he used to enjoy. If you suspect he is depressed, encourage him to seek medical treatment. Call a medical professional immediately if you think he might be suicidal.
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