While losing someone you love is always painful, losing someone in tragic or unexpected circumstances may leave you feeling confused and afraid; unable to complete even the simplest of tasks. You may wonder if you will find the strength to face the future, or if you will ever know happiness again. While there is no easy way around the grief and shock most people experience after a sudden loss, there are things you can do to make it through those first difficult days and weeks.
Step 1
Find a close friend or relative to stay with you. Ask this person to help you make decisions, handle well-wishers, coordinate meals and offer emotional support. If you can, choose a person with enough distance from the situation to focus on your needs.
Step 2
Take care of your health. Get plenty of sleep, eat right and exercise. You will need your strength to get through this difficult time.
Step 3
Accept help from friends, relatives and neighbors. Dealing with the sudden death of a loved one may make routine chores and activities feel overwhelming. If a friend offers to do your grocery shopping or pick up your dry cleaning, let her do it.
Step 4
Give yourself permission to experience your feelings. Whether you feel angry or sad, scared or confused, it is OK. There is no such thing as a "normal" reaction to a sudden loss.
Step 5
Draw on memories of past difficulties, says social worker and grief specialist Megan Meade-Higgins. Think of life events that you found painful or overwhelming, and remind yourself that you do have the strength to make it through tough times.
Step 6
Educate yourself about how your loved one died. If your loved one died in a particularly violent way, your imagination may only make the situation worse. Learning the facts surrounding the event or accident may actually ease your mind and give you a sense of peace.
Step 7
Say goodbye to your loved one. When someone dies suddenly, people rarely get the chance to say goodbye. Create a private ritual or ceremony, and give yourself permission to say whatever you need to say to the deceased.
Step 8
Find a support group for people dealing with a similar loss. According to the Niagara Grief Center, the right support group can provide you with a safe place to share your thoughts and feelings with people who understand.
Step 9
Pamper yourself. Get a massage, eat a nice meal, take a hot bath or spend the afternoon in bed. Do what you can to ease your stress and tension.
Step 10
Consult a doctor or therapist if you need help coping with your loss. Your doctor may prescribe medication to help you cope with common grief-related issues, like anxiety and loss of sleep.
Step 11
Give yourself time to grieve. It may take weeks, months or even years before you come to terms with your loved one's death.
Tips and Warnings
- Postpone making any major decisions or life changes after a sudden loss. Radical changes may leave you feeling confused and unsettled. Give yourself plenty of time to grieve. Sudden death may attract media attention. Even if you choose not to speak to reporters, you may want to provide a copy of a favorite photo to ensure your loved one is remembered in a positive light.
- Avoid drinking alcohol or taking drugs after a sudden loss. You may want relief from your feelings, but alcohol and drugs may exacerbate feelings of anxiety and depression. This article is intended as a general guide only and should not replace the advice of a doctor or qualified mental health professional.
References
- "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One"; Brook Noe, Pamela D. Blair, PhD; 2008
- Philstar: Surviving the Sudden Death of a Loved One
- Mental Health America: Factsheet: Coping with Bereavement
- Niagara Grief Center: Grief Due to Sudden Trauma Death
- My Fox Detroit: Part Three: How to Help Yourself
