Changing your friendship into a dating relationship can be a complicated endeavor, especially if you're uncertain how he feels about dating you. Dating your friend has its advantages: you already know each other and you feel comfortable with him. On the other hand, transforming your platonic relationship into a romantic connection can dramatically change the dynamic of your friendship and you may risk the companionship you have with him if the romance fails. While you may be compatible as friends, you may not have the ability to sustain a romance.
Step 1
Distinguish your feelings before you make the plunge. Consider what your feelings for him are. Men are more at ease discussing their feelings with women than with other men, so differentiate between platonic and romantic disclosure. Terri Apter, a professor at Newnham College of Cambridge says that in friendships with women, men "can reveal their vulnerabilities and explore their own and others' inner lives."
Step 2
Step back and consider your choices. Compare the benefits and the risks of transforming your friendship into romance. Revealing your interest in him makes you susceptible to rejection if he doesn't feel the same.
On the other hand, taking the leap towards romance, you may be initiating a promising romantic relationship. Relationships always entail some risk, but you won't know the possibilities until you make yourself vulnerable, say psychologists Charles D. and Elizabeth A. Schmitz.
Step 3
Discuss the transition. Talk about the inevitable changes to your emotional and physical interaction. Agree to value your friendship above the romantic involvement and discuss the "what if" scenario so that if the romance fails, you know where you stand regarding your platonic relationship.
Step 4
Resist the urge to rush the relationship. Spend some time learning about each other from a romantic perspective. Although you may have had an intense non-sexual friendship, don't rush into an intense relationship. Geoffrey Greif, a social worker, professor and author of "Buddy System: Understanding Male Friendships," says that men can have an powerfully intimate connection with women in cross gender friendships; don't allow the physical or sexual dynamic to substitute for the bond of friendship.
Step 5
Maintain your friendship. Nurture your relationship by referring back to the reason he was your friend in the first place. Every relationship has its challenges and you're going to encounter some difficult times together, but if you depend on each other as friends in the hard times, you're going to have a better chance for success. The most successful couples are those who are also best friends, say the Schmitzes.
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