Whether you lose a baby via miscarriage, late pregnancy loss, stillbirth or infant death, the loss can be a shocking experience. Not only do you lose the baby, but you lose the hopes and dreams that you harbored for your little one. No one can tell you the right way to grieve or how to feel, but you can find solace through support groups, communicating with your partner, and taking as much time as you need to process the death and remember your baby as you move on.
Step 1
Spend time grieving the loss of your baby. Losing a baby can make you feel complicated and often conflicting emotions that can leave you feeling hurt and even guilty. Unfortunately, there isn't a handbook on how to grieve and often you'll feel isolated and alone. Give yourself as much time as possible, and don't rush to closure.
Step 2
Organize or have family members organize a memorial or graveside service. Depending on the circumstances of your loss, you may want to do a full funeral, while others will prefer to hold a small, private service. It's important to hold a memorial so your friends and family can support you and understand how you feel. It can also afford you valuable memorial rituals, like visiting the grave.
Step 3
Tell your friends and family members how you feel. Well-meaning friends often say things they mean to be supportive but which can be hurtful, like "It's for the best," or "You can have another baby." Telling your friends that your baby was important and you'd like to take your time to grieve can help them understand what is and isn't helpful, notes The Compassionate Friends.
Step 4
Talk with your partner about the loss of your baby. You and your spouse may grieve in different ways, which is completely normal, says Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support, Inc. You do share a common bond in parenting a lost infant, so it's important to keep your partnership strong by talking about the pregnancy, discussing the diagnosis and remembering your baby's short but full life.
Step 5
Join a support group made up of parents who have experienced infant loss, suggests the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Spending time with others who understand you and your situation can help you cope with any isolated feelings you may have. Hospital support groups and volunteer organizations give you resources for turning your experience with infant loss into a way to help others dealing with similar circumstances.
Step 6
Create rituals and reminders to help you feel close to your baby. Reminders like your child's birthday each year can be made into an uplifting experience when you create memorial rituals, like visiting the grave site or writing a letter to your baby. You may fear that by having another child, you're betraying your lost infant, so keeping your baby close by remembrances and rituals can help you find closure and move on while still remembering your baby's life. Over time, your grief will go from a sharp pain to a dull ache.
