As parents age, it's important to form a plan for their care as their bodies and minds fail. The adult child must change over from being the one taken care of to the caretaker role and that is fraught with new stresses and challenges. The more an adult child knows about the parent's wishes and the more procedures that are put in place, the less stressful the situation will be as the parents age.
First, the Talk, then the Papers
Step 1
As parents show the first signs of failing, set them down and have "the talk." Talk about what their vision is for their old age. Do they want to stay in their house at all costs or do they want to be a minimum burden on their children by checking themselves into a retirement home or progressive care facility? Many questions about their preferences need to be discussed.
Step 2
Decide who will be the primary caretaker when it becomes necessary for the parent to have a caretaker. It might be a family member that lives nearby or a professional. Whoever becomes the primary caretaker needs to be honest and upfront about how much time and energy he has to devote to being a caretaker. It might be good at this point to appoint a Power of Attorney and Medical Power of Attorney, so when the worst happens, decisions can be made quickly. There are good reasons the caregiver should be the medical power of attorney, and good reasons they shouldn't.
Step 3
Make medical decisions in advance. Parents need to consider their medical wishes as their health will inevitably fail. How do they feel about being put on a respirator or other medical interventions? An "advanced medical directives" form, available at many hospitals, should be signed. As they reach advanced age, they may choose no interventions whatsoever, in which case they should sign a do not resuscitate form in advance.
Step 4
Make out the will. The will is an essential document that clarifies how the parent's durable goods and properties are to be disposed of in the event of death. If the person dies without a will, the property will go into probate, which is expensive and time consuming and may leave family members very dissatisfied.
On the Home Front
Step 1
Analyze their home. If it is not yet time for the parents to enter into any kind of assisted living, look at their home. There are a number of hazards around the home that should be addressed before the parents' vision and balance fail. According to a study by the University of California at San Francisco, 30 percent of people over 65 fall every year, some requiring intense medical support after the fall. It's wise to remove things like throw rugs and other items that might cause tripping, or, conversely, if a floor is slippery, then consider carpeting over the area. Check the home for other hazards.
Step 2
Make sure the phone numbers of loved ones and emergency services are easily accessible to the aging parent. Investing in a call service might be a good idea, too. The senior can wear a device that automatically makes a call if she should fall or have a sudden problem.
Step 3
Check benefits and community services. Check the aging parents' insurance and their retirement benefits. Be sure there is enough coverage to support the elder parent. Also make contact with the local Department of Aging Services. They offer classes for the adult children and services for the aging parent. They can put the senior in touch with organizations such as call-a-ride or meals-on-wheels.
Tips and Warnings
- As parents age they may be resistant to the idea of intervention, planning in advance will help with this problem. There is plenty of emotional support for caring for an aging parent. Take advantage of these services, this is an emotionally trying time.
- Health and safety are the first priorities of care. Sometimes the aging parent will refuse support to keep him safe. If this reaches a dangerous point, it might be time to have him declared incompetent to make his own decisions.
Things You'll Need
- Legal support
- Caretaker classes
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