Marriage counseling can help you resolve some of the problems that you have with your spouse to promote a better, more communicative union. Unfortunately, you may not be going to marriage counseling as a willing participant. Instead of refusing to go or participate, make the best of marriage counseling by allowing yourself to listen to your spouse and the counselor. Both are hoping to create a better marriage for you, and you can survive marriage counseling by using the right attitude and giving communication a try.
Step 1
Find a therapist that both you and your spouse can agree upon. Ask for referrals from your primary care physician, ask friends who have also undergone marriage counseling, and contact at least three therapists. MayoClinic.com suggests that you ask about their experience, philosophies and payment options before you settle on a therapist that you're comfortable talking to.
Step 2
Prepare for counseling so you get the most out of your session. Outline some of the things that you and your spouse should talk about or things that have been bothering you. Jot down a few ideas so you don't waste your session sitting silently while your spouse does all of the talking. It also shows that you're making a effort, despite being reluctant to attend counseling.
Step 3
Talk with your spouse beforehand about the types of things that you feel comfortable talking about and issues that you'd rather not discuss. For instance, you may feel comfortable talking about your communication styles, but would rather keep details about your sex life between you and your spouse only. By talking about your comfort levels on certain topics ahead of time, you can eliminate discomfort and hurt feelings when certain topics are broached during your session.
Step 4
Utilize "I" statements when speaking with the therapist. It can be tempting to blame your spouse for any problems that you're having, but using "I" statements shows that you take responsibility for your actions and know that you've had a part in your marital problems, suggests The Couple's Institute. For instance, instead of saying, "You never want to do anything fun anymore," say, "I like to go out and be social, and it makes me feel upset when I can't participate in fun activities." Playing the blame game won't win points with your therapist, but taking responsibility will show that you're an adult who makes her own decisions.
Step 5
Make a commitment to your spouse and your therapist that you'll take the advice and treatment options given to you and apply them to your marriage, suggests HelpGuide.org. Taking on a "It can't hurt to try" attitude will show that you're open to bettering your marriage and doing what needs to be done to open the lines of communication. When you commit to counseling, so will your spouse. Soon you'll have a better marriage to show for it, and your counseling will have been a short-term option to gain long-term satisfaction.
