More than a million women and nearly a million men are physically harmed by their spouse or partner every year in the United States, according to the American Bar Association Commission on Domestic Violence. Violence is the most common perception of spousal abuse because it's visible and quantifiable, evidenced by visits to the doctor and emergency medical services. But spousal abuse can take numerous forms.
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse is usually thought of as punching or slapping. But if your spouse pulls your hair to get your attention, forces food into your mouth when you don't want to eat, or locks you in a closet so you can't escape, these actions are forms of physical abuse, too. Physical abuse often starts out with smaller actions and can generate over time into full-fledged and even lethal violence.
Emotional Abuse
Some abusers never lay a hand on their spouses. Bullying, yelling and swearing are all forms of emotional abuse. Even the threat of physical violence is abuse, whether or not your spouse actually follows through with it. Hitting furniture, kicking pets and punching walls are forms of emotional abuse because they put you in fear that you might be next. Your spouse may threaten your children or other loved ones if you don't do what he wants. According to the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress, studies have shown that these acts can be just as traumatizing as physical abuse.
Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse is often a commingling of physical and emotional abuse. It can be as violent as rape when you're overpowered into an intimate act or as emotionally violating as your spouse threatening you to make you do something you don't want to do. It doesn't matter if you're married or if sex is sometimes consensual. When you're forced to take part in any sexual act, it's abuse. It can involve guilting you into sex when you're too busy or not feeling well, especially if this happens on a regular basis.
Financial Abuse
Your spouse may not threaten you or belittle you, but if he instead controls you by withholding money to provide for basic necessities for you and your children, this is financial abuse. Signs include meting cash out sparingly so it is never enough for you to use it to escape or take care of yourself, or even refusing to allow you to work or getting you fired any time you find a job. Financial abuse can also involve a spouse who slips money from your purse for his own use or secretly depletes your savings or investment accounts. Spousal abuse crosses socioeconomic lines. Victims can be well-earning professionals or unemployed.
Stalking
It's a common misconception that stalking is an act committed by a stranger or a distant acquaintance, but it is a form of spousal abuse as well. If your spouse tracks you when you are away from home or constantly checks up on you by cell phone or in person to see where you are or what you're doing, this is abuse. If she spies on your Internet activity, this is cyberstalking.
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