Families that practice effective communication---both verbal and nonverbal---lay the foundation for strong family relationships and healthy family functioning. On the other hand, poor family communication leads to conflict, weak family bonds and increased risk for divorce and behavioral problems. Families can develop effective communication skills by understanding and practicing the basics of communication.
Active Listening
Active listening facilitates better communication by ensuring that family members listen to and hear each other. An active listener stops what he is doing, makes eye contact and conveys to the speaker, through his body language, that he is listening. While it is important to hear the words being spoken, it is equally important to understand the feelings beneath the statements. A listener confirms that he has heard the speaker by paraphrasing what was said, validating the speaker's feelings and withholding offers of advice.
Teaching Children to Communicate
Parents model good communication skills by practicing active listening when their children speak to them and when their children are watching them communicate with others. Parents can teach children active listening by encouraging and coaching them as they interact with others. Parents can ask children to repeat what they have heard and to describe the feelings the speaker displayed. A wrong answer is a chance to try again and teach children that better communication takes effort.
Barriers to Better Communication
Better communication often requires families to unlearn bad communication habits. Families cannot communicate well when members refuse to listen or refuse to use direct communication and instead use nonverbal communication, such as shrugs and facial expressions. Assumptions make communication seem unnecessary---no one know what another is thinking. Other barriers include anger, disrespect, accusations, dishonesty, breaches of confidentiality and the insertion of unrelated issues.
Conflict Resolution
Family members communicate better about conflict by controlling the process and setting rules ahead of time. Everyone must agree to the process and to the method for selecting the resolution. Often, a heated conflict requires a time-out before conversation begins. Families agree to use active listening skills, neutral language---no name calling or insults---and that they will not attempt to resolve the conflict until everyone's ideas are considered. Families agree to come up with multiple resolutions, list the ideas and discuss each, after which they will select a resolution using the agreed-upon method. Using family communication skills to resolve conflict does not mean that everyone is happy, but it does mean that the process was fair and the outcome accepted.
Practice Makes Perfect
Family meetings are opportunities for families to practice communication skills and for parents to model communication skills for children. Regular family meetings contribute to family bonding, lay the foundation for respectful exchanges and allow time for families to review the previous week. Families discuss goals, make decisions, resolve conflict, assign chores and give praise and encouragement. Families agree that everyone is an equal participant and they agree to the rules for conducting the meeting. Family members, especially teens, take the meetings more seriously if follow-through is consistent.
