According to the National Association of School Psychologists, communicating with children about death and grief must be done with consideration of their developmental level and their cultural norms. Children typically take cues from adults regarding a death of a loved one, so experts note that it's essential for parents and teachers to role model and communicate clearly with children when offering support.
Grief and Behavior
According the the National Association of School Psychologists, children may exhibit a variety of behaviors in reaction to grief. Some children exhibit regressive behaviors, such as clinging to adults or resorting to immature play behaviors. Other children may act out in anger or aggression as an expression of their insecurity and confusion. It's also quite common for children to ask the same questions repeatedly in an effort to accept the facts surrounding the loss.
Providing Support
The National Association of School Counselors suggests that adults provide children with ways to express their grief because many do not have the verbal communication skills to clearly describe their internal feelings. Children can often draw or create art projects that they use to explain the story behind their loss. They may also engage in play that dramatizes their grief and loss. Adults can support this process by observing carefully and encouraging children to express their stories and feelings.
Child Development and Grief
Experts at the National Association of School Counselors note that children have markedly different responses to grief based on their developmental stage. Preschool-age children may interpret death as reversible or simply a temporary separation. School-age children tend to understand death as a permanent condition, but they may struggle to understand the specific details, so they may generalize the events in their minds. For example, if a school-age child loses a loved one in a car crash, he may begin to generalize that riding in a car can result in death. Adults can support these two age groups by making efforts to answer questions and address fears truthfully.
Support Resources
According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, children who have serious difficulties with grief may experience symptoms of depression such as loss of appetite, changes in sleep or drop in school performance. Children who are exhibiting these signs of distress may benefit from individual counseling with a mental health provider who can use specific therapeutic techniques to help the child process and accept the loss.
Expert Insight
According to experts at Helpguide.org, adults who are supporting a child with loss and grief should be careful to manage their own stress and grief regarding the situation. Children can be quite sensitive to adult emotions, and when an adult is stressed or sad, it often has a direct effect on the children in the adult's care. Seeking support from family, friends and professionals can help adults manage their own personal feelings so they will be better prepared to support the child or children.
