It's normal for children of all ages to get into spats, and sometimes, you may have to intervene. In the long run, however, it's better for them and for you if you can teach them to resolve their own conflicts. Several strategies may prove useful in helping children resolve disputes.
Slowing Down
When children are feeling anger or other strong emotions, it can be hard for them to think of alternatives and come up with solutions, notes the MissouriFamilies program at the University of Missouri-Columbia. That means when a dispute arises between two children, the first step for everyone involved should be to slow down, take a deep breath and relax--this applies to you, as the adult who might be mediating the dispute, and to the children involved in the conflict. Additionally, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services suggests that any adult helping children resolve a dispute should get down to their level physically and speak in a calm tone.
Considering Viewpoints
Letting each child give his or her side of the dispute is often recommended by those who teach conflict resolution. MissouriFamilies suggests that each child should be able to tell his or her side of the story without interruption. If the children are older, each one can be coached to ask clarifying questions and then repeat what he's heard to the other child in the dispute. If the children are young, the adult may have to help out with this step.
Brainstorming Solutions
Once tempers are calmed and the children have seen each other's viewpoint, the next step is to brainstorm solutions. If children are very young, you may need to help get them started with some ideas. If it's practical, you can suggest they try out some of the solutions they've come up with to see if they work. If necessary, have them repeat the brainstorming process until they come up with a solution that works for everyone.
