Parents dread certain conversations, and discussing sex with your children is near the top of the list. But talking with your daughter honestly about sex gives you the chance to correct any misinformation she may have learned at school and impart your values. According to Planned Parenthood, appropriate sex education can help kids develop a positive, responsible approach to sexuality that makes them less likely to take risks with sexual behavior. Talking about sex should be regular and ongoing, rather than a one-time discussion.
Step 1
Plan in advance what you want to discuss. Planned Parenthood suggests paying attention to times when the topic of sex naturally comes up in your house, such as while watching TV or a movie or when discussing a pregnant relative. The organization refers to these as "teachable moments," opportunities to talk about sex in a natural, not forced, context. Collect your thoughts about the issues most relevant to your daughter at this time.
Step 2
Pay attention to timing. The information you give your daughter about sex will vary by her age and maturity level. A 5-year-old girl may only want to know the most basic information about where babies come from, while a middle schooler needs to know about the consequences of sex and how to prevent them. Certain times and situations can make it easier to have awkward discussions, such as when you are in the car together or before bed.
Step 3
Tell your daughter what you believe and why. Sex education is not just about explaining the technical aspects of intercourse but about the moral issues. The University of Georgia Extension Service recommends also listening to your daughter's opinions without lecturing or criticizing her views. If she does not feel that you respect her views, she may not respect yours either. Present the positive aspects of sex in a loving, committed relationship in addition to discussing the warnings, so she will not have a negative view.
Step 4
Explain different birth control methods, even if you will promote abstinence. A 2004 study led by Peter Bearman at Columbia University's Department of Sociology found that 88 percent of teens who signed abstinence pledges still had sex before marriage but delayed it and had fewer partners. The more troubling finding of the study was that teens who planned abstinence were less likely to use birth control and had the same rates of sexually transmitted diseases as non-pledgers.
Step 5
Reassure her that she is normal and explain how puberty affects her. According to the Mayo Clinic, children between the ages of 8 and 12 especially want to know that their bodies are developing normally. Puberty is a major part of sexual development, and kids may have questions about their changing bodies and how these changes relate to sexual intercourse.
Tips and Warnings
- Start talking about sex earlier rather than later. Even if you don't believe she knows much about sex, she has probably been exposed to more than you think. Find out what she already knows before beginning the discussion so you can correct any misinformation she may have already received. Try to act as natural and comfortable as possible.
- Do not use cute nicknames for body parts and the process of sex. Use the proper names instead so she will not be confused.
