Friendships are an important part of a child's social development. Friendships help children develop social, communication and problem-solving skills. Navigating the ups and downs of childhood friendships is good practice for children to learn self-control, empathy and negotiation. Children who do not have friends often feel rejected and have poor self-esteem, feelings which can lead to serious problems as the age. Fourth grade is a period of significant change for children. School work is more challenging and the 9-year old students are entering a more complex social world that can seem overwhelming. Parents can help a child make friends by combining parental guidance with the child's friendship-building efforts.
Step 1
Talk to your child to learn her preferences for making friends. Talk about how she feels in social situations and discuss difficulties she experiences in making friends or getting along with other children. Discuss ways to resolve conflict and how she can understand the feelings of others. Help her to achieve a healthy perspective on having friends without placing too much emphasis on her lack of friends or problems she may be having.
Step 2
Identify or create opportunities for your child to socialize with other children his age. Involve your child in organized sports, youth church groups, gymnastics lessons or dance classes. Encourage him to join a scouting or 4-H program or invite children to your home for a play date with your child. Some shy children are more comfortable in group situations.
Step 3
Play games with your child to help him learn how to play with others. Teach him to play sports and play board games with him and other family members or friends. Knowing how the games are played with help alleviate his stress in new situations.
Step 4
Reinforce good manners and positive social skills with your child. Encourage her to be polite and use polite words, such as "excuse me" or "thank you." Provide opportunities for her to take turns with others. Explain your rules for good behavior and enforce them consistently. Help your child prepare for unfamiliar situations and meeting new people by discussing her feelings and practicing different scenarios.
Step 5
Help your child learn how to recognize and handle his negative feelings by encouraging him to talk to you about his feelings. Don't criticize or judge him for being honest about negative feelings.
Step 6
Try not to intervene when your child has conflicts with other children. Allow the children to resolve the issue by themselves. Encourage your son to work out problems for himself as much as possible, stepping in to help only when it is necessary, and point out to him when he has handled a situation well and encourage him with praise.
Step 7
Talk to your child's teacher or school counselor, and ask how their opinions about your child and his ability to make friends and get along with other children. Recognize that your child might socialize differently than you or his siblings. He may appear lonely or friendless to you, but he may be happy with one or two good friends at school.
References
- National Network for Child Care: Children Without Friends, Part 1
- PBS Parents: Grade by Grade Learning-4th Grade
- PBS Parents: Grade-be-Grade Learning-The Social Challenge of 4th Grade
- The Ohio State University Extension: Backpack Buddies-Children's Friendships
- University of Florida IFAS Extension: The Importance of Friendship for School-Age Children
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