Most people experience the death of a parent, spouse, lover, sibling, child, friend or pet at some point in their lives. Perhaps your loved one died of a chronic illness at the end of a long life and you were able to prepare yourself. Or maybe the individual died suddenly due to an unexpected illness, accident or crime, and you did not get the chance to say goodbye. No matter the precise circumstances, strategies exist for surviving the death of your loved one.
Step 1
Learn about the grief process and give yourself time to grieve. Life coach Brook Noel in her 2008 book "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One" notes that in the 1920s, widows were given at least three years to mourn a dead husband, but in the current era, widows are expected to be done with mourning in six months. Don't allow well-meaning family and friends to rush you through your sad feelings.
Step 2
Write about your sadness and other emotions in a journal. When relatives, friends and coworkers are unavailable to listen to you reminisce about your lost loved one, your journal is always waiting patiently. If you feel that you need more structured assistance, consult "The Grief Recovery Handbook," co-authored by grief consultants John W. James and Russell Friedman and republished in 2009. The book provides advice on how to set reasonable guidelines for your recovery and offers "homework assignments" to direct you.
Step 3
Find a therapist and get grief counseling. If your emotions are preventing you from returning to work or school or you have lost all interest in your daily life and pleasurable activities, you may need a therapist to help you explore your loss and aid you in uncovering positive ways to cope. The Association for Death Education and Counseling maintains a directory of trained bereavement counselors, called thanatologists.
Step 4
Join an in-person or online support group for people suffering similar losses. For example, MyGriefSpace.net offers free online resources such as forums, a grief newsletter, grief blogs and many other ideas for emotional recovery.
Step 5
Ask your therapist to refer you to a psychiatrist for medication if your sorrow and despair go on too long or you have begun thinking of suicide. Dr. David Burns' book "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy," updated in 1999, contains a short "Burns Depression Checklist" that measures how depressed you are. If you have a high score on this checklist, consider asking for medication.
Step 6
Join secular and spiritual organizations that have belief systems you find comforting. If you are secular, you may like humanist groups such as the American Ethical Union, the American Humanist Association or the Society for Humanistic Judaism. If you are seeking spiritual support, contact your local church, synagogue, mosque or sangha. Ask your organization if it has a grief support group.
References
- Association for Death Education and Counseling: Find a Thanatologist
- "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy"; Dr. David Burns; 2000
- Mygriefspace.net:: A Network for Coping with Grief
- "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye"; Brook Noel; 2008
- "The Grief Recovery Handbook"; John W. James and Russell Friedman; 2009
