Temper tantrums--whining, crying, screaming, hitting, kicking and even breath holding--are common between the ages of 1 and 3, among boys and girls alike. Although your toddler's tantrum can fray your nerves and assault your eardrums, KidsHealth notes temper tantrums are a normal part of development, caused by the fact that toddlers don't have the same inhibitions and control of their emotions as adults do. In addition, MayoClinic.com notes that parents understand what their toddler is saying only 50 percent of the time, which can cause great frustration in a toddler trying to communicate. As children's language skills improve, tantrums usually decrease.
Step 1
Ignore the tantrum and calmly continue your activities, if the tantrum has resulted from the child simply being denied something. Keep a discreet eye on your child and stay nearby. KidsHealth cautions that if you leave the child completely alone, she may feel isolated and abandoned, adding to the emotional upheaval.
Step 2
Provide comfort to your child, such as offering a hug or soothing words, if the outburst stems from a major disappointment.
Step 3
Take your child to a quiet, safe place if you feel she is in danger of hurting herself or others. If necessary, restrain and hold her firmly but gently.
Step 4
Give your child a timeout, seating her in a chair or hallway for a specific time. One minute in timeout for every year of the child's age is a good rule of thumb.
Step 5
Bring your toddler outside if he is in the house, or inside if he is outdoors. Offer a new activity to replace the forbidden one. A change of scene, along with a distraction, may be sufficient to quell a tantrum.
Step 6
Offer to help your toddler gain control if he seems to be having trouble stopping the tantrum. According to KidsHealth, it is okay to say something like "I'll help you settle down now." The offer of parental help, whether it be talking calmly to the child or holding him, can have a calming effect on a frustrated toddler.
Step 7
Praise your toddler and give her a hug after she regains control. However, wait until the tantrum is over to offer praise, and never reward the child with the desired object after a tantrum; this reinforces the behavior.
Step 8
Discuss the tantrum with your child after it is over. iVillage recommends inquiring about her feelings, then calmly and simply explaining the importance of rules and limits.
Tips and Warnings
- Prevent tantrums and promote independence by giving your toddler choices in minor, everyday decisions. Allowing the child to choose her variety of juice, or determine the order in which activities are performed, can give her a sense of control and pride. Encourage your toddler to put feelings and requests into words. If your child isn't speaking much yet, or isn't speaking clearly, consider teaching simple sign language for concepts like "I want," "more," "tired" and "hurt." You may be able to avert a tantrum by telling the child "use your words" or "use signs." If you're expecting a long wait in a line, pack a snack, small toy or treat to give to your toddler at crucial times. Plan to run errands early in the day, when your child isn't as likely to be tired or cranky, and avoid store locations that feature tempting toy and candy displays. Consult your pediatrician if your toddler's tantrums seem to be increasing in frequency, intensity or duration. KidsHealth states that you also should see a doctor if your child hurts himself or others during tantrums (see References 1).
