A major stepping-stone in a relationship between a parent and a teen or tween daughter is "the sex talk." Teenagers are bombarded with an intense mix of messages through the media they consume, and the messages can sometimes be confusing. Communication about sex should not be a one-time conversation, but an ongoing one that blends honesty, support, concern and openness on both sides.
Step 1
Start early. Teenagers are exposed to messages about sex much earlier than many parents would like to believe, so it is important that the messages you want to convey about sex reach your children during their tween years, when they are between the ages of 11 and 14.
Step 2
Communicate frequently and casually. Terri Apter, Ph.D., on Oprah.com recommends developing a strategy for communicating about sex with your daughter that relies on casual, informal communication instead of sitting down stating "We need to talk about something." Stay involved in your daughter's life and find ways to communicate regularly during a shared task, such as cooking together, watching a favorite show, shopping and so on. Once you have a routine of spending quality time together, it will be easier to broach the subject of sex when she feels secure and comfortable.
Step 3
Analyze the message you want to send to your daughter. Before you even consider talking to your daughter about sex and sexuality, decide what your feelings are about the possibility of your daughter having sex. A healthy choice is to communicate to your daughter the correlation between sexuality and self-respect and that sex is a natural and pleasurable pastime that unfortunately comes with the real possibility of dangerous and life-altering consequences, such as unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections.
Step 4
Include more than just a biological overview of sexuality and the reproductive parts. Teenagers are searching for clarity about sex and sexuality and need reassurance that their desires are natural. Teach your daughter about safe ways to explore her sexual desires such as masturbation. Help her to decide if she is emotionally prepared to engage in sex with a serious partner, and guide her to safe choices for birth control. If you foster an atmosphere of support and education, she will feel confident in her ability to come to you with any issues, concerns or questions she may have about sex.
