Grieving the loss of a loved one is a difficult experience. You may be experiencing symptoms of depression, anger or guilt. According to psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book "On Death and Dying," it's common for most grieving people to experience feelings of denial, anger, depression and, in the end, acceptance of the loss. You should not compare yourself to anyone else, as everyone experiences grief differently. It can take a few months or several years to come to terms with the loss. The time it takes for you to fully grieve may be drastically different from the time it takes others you know who have experienced a loss.
Step 1
Admit to the loss. In the beginning, you may be tempted to deny that anything has changed. However, learning to accept that the loss is real and acknowledging its impact on you is critical to the grieving process. Many people experience delusions that their loved one is going to somehow return to them or is still alive somewhere. According to J. William Worden, Ph.D in his book "Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner," accepting that the loss is a reality is the first step toward grieving the loss.
Step 2
Allow yourself to feel the pain. Trying to push the pain away or suppress it by ignoring it will only make the process longer and more painful in the end. According to author Worden, it's normal to feel anger, depression, sadness or extreme loneliness after a loss. Suppressing these feelings can lead to serious physical and mental health problems. Don't be afraid to let yourself cry or feel angry--in the end, letting the feelings out will help you to fully process them and move on.
Step 3
Make adjustments to your new life without your loved one. According to author Worden, this may include physical adjustments, such as practical issues like re-arranging your household, going through your loved one's clothing and donating it to charity when you feel ready, or getting used to the fact that there's no one to come home to. Making an internal adjustment means redefining yourself, and you may find yourself questioning who you really are now. You may feel disconnected from your previous spiritual or religious beliefs. It can be helpful to speak to trusted friends or a professional counselor or therapist during this time to help you process these experiences and feelings.
Step 4
Memorialize your loved one in a way that is special to you. You may wish to plant a perennial flowering bush in your garden or design a photo album of some memorable times you spent together. Some people find it helpful to make a donation in their loved one's name to a meaningful organization or charity. According to MayoClinic.com, doing these acts can help you with the healing process and lessen the pain of grief.
Step 5
Ask for support from your friends and family. You may prefer to stay inside and avoid contact with others, however, social support can diminish your feelings of loneliness and increase feelings of connectedness. It's OK to spend time with your family and friends reminiscing about your lost loved one. You might even think about joining a support group. You can find grief and bereavement support groups at your local hospital, hospice or religious organization. You can also find a group through online bereavement resources such as GriefShare.org.
