All children at times display a challenging attitude. When tired or stressed, they act obstinate and express their anger with uncensored abandon. About 10% of children have a difficult temperament according to Ohio State University. Moreover, even easy going children can develop oppositional behavior patterns. Whether your child is occasionally challenging, or exhibits a difficult temperament most of the time, you can improve your skills for managing and mollifying them. You can help them develop effective coping and self-soothing strategies so they feel better and cooperate more.
Step 1
Evaluate the frequency and severity of your child's difficult and oppositional behavior problem. Make note in a chart of how often your child becomes obstinate, oppositional or defiant. Note the location of the incident, the triggering circumstances, and the nature of his response. Note other contributing factors to his misbehavior, like illness, poor sleep, physical complaints, fatigue, moodiness and frustration level.
Step 2
Determine if your child needs a consultation with a doctor or psychologist. If your child has emotional outbursts or tempers tantrums, or engages in challenging, defiant disruptive behaviors on a routine basis, a medical evaluation is indicated. Allergies, food sensitivities, metabolic conditions, nutritional deficiencies and hormonal problems can contribute to her behavior. Further, learning disorders, autism, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder and ADHD can also induce challenging, defiant and oppositional behavior.
Step 3
Review your notes and identify a particular problem you want to focus on first. For example, your child may defy you when you ask her to do homework, refuse to go to bed when told, or get angry when given limits on T.V. or video games. Progress to other problems as time goes on, but restrict particular discussions to just one or two topics.
Step 4
Discuss the problem behavior sometime when your child is relaxed and in a good mood. Keep the discussion positive. Note the problem and find out what worries, anxieties, fears, thoughts or other feelings contribute to your child's misconduct. Validate your child's feelings.
Discuss inappropriate and unhelpful behavior and talk about other ways of dealing with the situation. Make clear to her what kind of behavior is acceptable and what kind is inappropriate. If you like, use a behavior chart such as those available at Free Printable Behavior Charts.
Step 5
Establish positive consequences for good behavior and negative consequences for inappropriate behavior. Strive to create win/win situations where your child gets what he wants by doing what you want. For example, your child will get to watch TV or play video games once he has completed his homework. Offer one-on-one time with you, or activities and treats he enjoys as rewards for positive behavior. Reward your child liberally using verbal praise. Say things like, "Nice job! You shut off the TV and got ready for bed right when I asked you to. I appreciate that."
Step 6
During episodes of conflict, label your child's mood and behavior, and give warnings. For example, you can say things like, "You are starting to act angry. Are you upset?" If your child does not respond to mood labeling, give him an empathic warning, "I can see you are upset, but you need to calm down."
Step 7
Encourage your child to take voluntary "time-outs" to calm down. Say, "You're starting to say things you shouldn't. Let's talk about his after you've calmed down for a few minutes." Praise your child after she calms down, saying, "You did a good job of calming yourself down."
Things You'll Need
- Paper
- Pencil
