Effective child discipline takes time and effort. Though parents know how difficult it can be to remain calm and make smart, thoughtful decisions when their child throws a fit or otherwise misbehaves, doing so will prove beneficial to parents and children in the long run. Instead of making snap decisions when it comes to discipline, strive for a consistent and sensible plan, and keep things positive.
Purpose of Discipline
The Latin root of the word discipline, discipulus, means student or pupil. Adolescent medicine specialist Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, from Philadelphia's Children’s Hospital, who wrote the book “A Parent’s Guide to Building Resilience in Children and Teens,” says that parents should think of discipline as a way to teach their children, not punish them. Instead of focusing on punishments that reinforce bad behavior, parents should approach discipline as a learning experience for their children.
Positive Behavior
Instead of focusing on the things you don't want your child to do, focus on the things your child does right by rewarding positive behavior, suggests mental health counselor Melissa Ellison. Give your child praise when he behaves appropriately, and use things he enjoys--such as television, video games, sports and time with friends--as rewards for positive behavior. Keep your instructions to your child positive as well, advises Ellison. Tell him what behaviors you want to see instead of talking about the behaviors you don't want. For example, instead of saying "Don't leave out dirty dishes," instead say "Please put your dishes in the dishwasher."
Spanking
The American Academy of Pediatrics does not endorse spanking a child under any circumstances. According to the AAP, spanking makes discipline difficult as the child gets older, and it also becomes less effective when used repeatedly. Further, spanking instills fear and teaches negative lessons about aggressive behavior. According to a study conducted by community health sciences professor Catherine Taylor at Tulane University in New Orleans, spanking may actually promote aggressive behavior in children. "The odds of a child being more aggressive at age 5 increased by 50 percent if he had been spanked more than twice in the month before the study began," says Taylor.
Timeouts
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends timeouts as punishment instead of spanking. In a timeout, the child must go to a neutral area--with no toys, TV or other stimulus--and sit quietly. The parent should avoid interacting with the child in any way during the timeout, giving her time to think and calm down. Don't make the timeouts drag on too long; a child may become bored and misbehave to get attention. Doctors recommend one minute of timeout per year of a child's life.
Age-Appropriate Discipline
According to Dr. Phil McGraw, host of the "Dr. Phil" show, a child's age should dictate the disciplinary method. Children younger than 18 months won't learn from a timeout or a heartfelt explanation, therefore positive reinforcement and redirection toward appropriate behavior work best. For children 18 months to 3 years old, timeouts and verbal instructions also become effective. At 4 years old, you may also begin to establish rules and withhold privileges.
Older children need to feel they control their own destiny, therefore effective punishments for teenagers involve clear rules that allow them to earn or lose certain privileges. “You want them to understand that the freedoms they get are directly related to how they demonstrate responsibility," says Ginsburg.
