Anybody with a brother or sister can probably understand the complexities of the relationship between siblings. Sibling relationships are one of the most long-lasting relationships our children will ever have. This makes working through sibling issues more important than ever. Parents are charged with the responsibility of helping siblings work through their issues peacefully and pave the way to what may be the most meaningful friendship your children will ever have.
Sibling Rivalry
The University of Michigan Health System defines sibling rivalry as "the jealousy, competition and fighting between brothers and sisters." Learning who you are and defining yourself is an issue that all children deal with, but when they feel the need to compete with their own brother or sister for praise or attention this can result in sibling rivalry.
Dealing with sibling rivalry can be stressful for parents, but it is possible to help them work through it. Resist the temptation to compare your children to one another. Value their unique qualities and teach them to value these qualities in themselves, as well. Don't play favorites. The University of Michigan suggests that although fairness is important, equality is what is most important. "Even if you did try to treat your children equally there will still be times when they feel as if they're not getting a fair share of attention, discipline or responsiveness from you," they report in their feature article "Sibling Rivalry: Your Child." They recommend that parents be prepared for this and to have to carefully explain any decisions that have been made.
Sibling Arguments
Kids argue with one another; it is bound to happen at least once in a while. Kids will argue about everything, from the simplest "he's touching me!" to things that are a bit more serious. Take steps to promote peace in your household by allowing siblings to express how they feel about one another without resorting to violence, cruelty or name-calling.
NYU Child Study Center website recommends that parents don't dismiss feelings of resentment or anger between siblings or try to talk them out of the way they feel about one another. Conflict of this nature usually fades away over time, but separating your children from one another or teaching them more constructive ways to get their point across are great ways to take steps toward a more peaceful home until the day finally arrives when they are able to get along.
Separation Issues
As much as siblings tend to clash as children, there is often an unspeakable bond between siblings as well. This bond can pose issues in the event that siblings are separated by residence, school or even death. The Center for Adoption Support and Education recognizes the significance of the sibling bond and advises parents to do their best to help children deal with separation from one another.
In the event of a long-term or permanent separation due to death or distance, counseling may be the best course of action. For less serious separation issues like those that arise when older children go off to school before the younger ones do, devote more attention to them to make them see the brighter side of being the only child for a few hours a day.
