Everyone needs friends. In fact, the quality of our friendships greatly affects our happiness, health and longevity. You may have the hope that your friendships will be lifelong relationships that enhance your life. For this to happen, you must choose friends in the same manner that you would choose a job or even a mate--by evaluating how the friendship will fit into and enrich your life, and how you and your friend can support each other's growth. Destructive friendships can be costly in terms of personal happiness and health, and can be avoided by making intelligent friendship choices.
Step 1
Choose friends who behave in ways you admire. Evaluate how a potential friend treats other people. The Roman philosopher Cicero wrote that friendship cannot exist without virtue. A potential friend who gossips about other people is likely to gossip about you as well. The applies to other bad behavior. Choose a friend whom you can trust.
Step 2
Make friends with a variety of people. Friends can meet different needs in your life. You might want to make one friend who shares your interest in attending jazz concerts, and make another who shares your passion for century bike rides. Make friends with individuals who meet various psychological needs, as well. Some friends can be good motivators, while others are good listeners.
Step 3
Choose friends who are healthy, as your own health may depend on it. People tend to mirror their friends' health choices, either unconsciously or by engaging in activities with friends that either promote or destroy health. Hanging out with friends drinking beer and eating pizza after work is likely to have adverse health consequences, according to Raymond Browning, professor of Health and Exercise Science at Colorado State University.
Step 4
Evaluate how you feel whenever you are around a potential friend. Being around the person should bring out feelings of self-confidence, trust and relaxation, rather than feelings of insecurity, sadness or anger. Choose friends who help you to feel good about yourself.
Step 5
Look at your history with the person you are considering becoming friends with. Your relationship should show a relatively equal balance of give and take. Individuals who are "takers" in a relationship can cause you to feel drained and eventually, used.
References
- University of Virginia Health System: Developing Friendship Creates Benefits in our Personal and Professional Life
- Monmouth College: Cicero's Laelius de Amicitia--A Summary
- Colorado State University: Power of Friends and Family to Make Overweight Society Active, Healthy, and Slim
- Center for Young Women's Health: Healthy Relationships
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