While attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD, begins before the age of 7, it can remain undiagnosed until adulthood. Undiagnosed ADHD can cause problems at work and home. It can strain family relationships and damage self-esteem. Once diagnosed, it can be effectively treated. If a family member has ADHD, family members should learn everything they can about the disorder to best help their family member with ADHD and learn coping skills.
Identification
ADHD is characterized by problems with inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity that impair normal daily functioning. Symptoms of inattention include being easily distracted, forgetful, trouble focusing, becoming bored easily, difficulty finishing tasks that require sustained mental effort, often losing things and not seeming to listen. Symptoms of hyperactivity include fidgeting, excessive talking and being constantly "on the go." Impulsivity symptoms include impatience, blurting out inappropriate comments, disregard for consequences and interrupting.
Complications
Untreated ADHD can cause various problems in a family. Because people with ADHD are often disorganized, one partner may always find themselves cleaning up after the other. The partner with ADHD may forget important household tasks and obligations, like picking up a child from school. The person with ADHD may forget to pay bills or max out credit cards. He may neglect home repairs. Many people with ADHD also have hot tempers. They may have numerous traffic accidents and citations. They may also suffer from addictions to drugs and alcohol. Even sex can suffer if the person with ADHD is distracted.
Effects
If the person with ADHD denies he has a problem, distance may begin to grow between couples. Partners may begin to believe the person with ADHD is lazy, indifferent or selfish. Non-ADHD partners may interpret their loved one's actions as proof they do not care for them. They may even begin to believe the person with ADHD is deliberately trying to hurt them. To protect her self-esteem, the adult with ADHD may blame her significant other for their problems. Children of parents with ADHD may lack discipline because their parents have problems with consistency. They also may have to witness fights because of their parent's hot temper. They may feel as if they never have their parent's undivided attention.
Help for Partners
If your relationship is suffering because your partner has ADHD, learn all you can about the disorder, recommends Gina Pera, author of "Is It You, Me, or Adult ADD? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder." Remain patient, organized and understanding, recommends Allan N. Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D. Realize that your spouse has a disorder and his actions do not define him. Marriages can work well when one partner has ADHD if each partner has insight into her own strengths and weaknesses, according to Carol E. Watkins, MD.
Treatment
If your ADHD is causing your relationship to suffer, you should see a health care provider to develop a treatment regimen. Adult ADHD can be effectively treated with medication and behavioral counseling. Medications approved to treat ADHD include psychostimulants, such as Ritalin or Adderall; atomoxetine, which includes Strattera; and certain antidepressants. You should also conduct a careful assessment of your own skills. Ask your spouse which areas you need to work on. Be open to feedback. Keep a positive attitude. Tell your partner about the effort you are putting into working on your abilities.
