You may easily and readily engage in conversations with people whom you have known for a long time, but you might find yourself fumbling and tongue-tied when you try to chat with new friends. Whether you are striking up a conversation with a new coworker or chatting with new friends online, you can make choices that will help to put both of you at ease. First, relax and smile, and then embrace your conversation as an opportunity to learn about another person's life and to share your own as well.
Step 1
Begin the conversation anywhere, no matter how uninteresting or commonplace the subject might seem. Leil Lowndes, in "How to Talk to Anyone," writes that simple comments and remarks can open a conversation with almost any person, from "that's a great hat" to "how do you like the weather?" She points out that "...almost anything you say really is OK---as long as it puts people at ease and sounds passionate."
Step 2
Focus on the situation that you and the other person are in together, whether you are at a party or in an online chat room. For example, you might ask the other person about his reasons for being there and any previous experiences he has had in similar situations, and then share from your own experiences as well. Don Gabor, in "How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends," explains that simple openings can help to introduce new topics for conversation as well.
Step 3
Discover areas of similarity, such as shared ideas and experiences. Lowndes explains that convincing people that you are similar to them helps to put them at ease and to reduce the potential for fear, suspicion and mistrust. For example, if you discover that you share a love of racquetball with another person, ask her how she came to play the sport, what she enjoys about it and what her favorite gear and courts are, and then share your experiences as well.
Step 4
Balance the conversation as much as possible between you and the other person, both in regards to how much you say and to how much you disclose. Gabor points out that when a conversation is balanced, then each person has the opportunity to get to know the other person at the same rate. However, Gabor notes, "an unbalanced conversation," where one person does all the talking or discloses too much personal information, "will make both parties uncomfortable."
Tips and Warnings
- Observe the conversations of others for a while to gain insight and ideas about how to chat with new friends. As you become more familiar with patterns of conversation, you will also become more confident to engage in your own conversations with others.
- Do not allow your own nervousness to keep you from trying to talk with someone new. Everyone feels awkward at times, and if you persevere through your own awkward attempts to strike up a conversation, you will likely find that you have a new friend as well.
References
- "How to Talk to Anyone"; Leil Lowndes; 2003
- "How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends: Revised and Updated"; Simon & Schuster, Don Gabor; 2002
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