An Emotionally Abusive Relationship

An emotionally abusive relationship is just as destructive as any other abusive relationship and can happen to men, women and children. It differs from verbal and physical abuse in that the abuser damages the victim's emotions by manipulating and eventually conquering her "sense of self and remnants of personal value," according to author Steve Hein of EQI.org. "Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim's self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept," he adds. Recognizing the signs and getting help as soon as possible for the victim and the abuser can help put an end to this overwhelming mistreatment.

Misconceptions

Emotional abuse can be tricky to recognize, especially in victims. Many times they are so eager to please their abusers that they do not understand how manipulated they are. Like many manipulators, abusers are adept at fooling family and friends into thinking they are caring mates; and the victims will in no way let on that they are ever bullied around or mistreated because of the blame they place on themselves and the perfection they strive for in their relationships.

Signs

According to Women's Services at Brigham Young University, emotional abuse is "characterized by the abuser's manipulation and invalidation of his or her partner." The signs to watch for include belittling through language, physical and verbal intimidation, and invalidation of the victim's feelings, thoughts and personality. An abuser also "manipulates the relationship so that the only feelings and opinions that count are his/her own," warns BYU. When victims feel they are in the wrong they are easily distracted by the abuser into thinking the abuse is not only not harmful but a normal part of life.

Effects

Emotional abuse can "produce a root of rejection in the individual ... and this defensive sense of unworthiness can then cause major problems in the interpersonal relationships of that individual," writes Joyce Meyers in her book "Beauty for Ashes." Victims blame themselves for the abuse, questioning their actions as causes for the abuse. Abusers beat their victims down so heavily that they cling to the abusers because their self-esteem is so damaged and they fear no one else will ever love them. It can have very long-term effects on the way the victims see themselves in the world and relate to others.

Abuser

Many times the abuser has suffered from some sort of past abuse and is only treating the victim as he has been treated. He can be co-dependent on the victim and subconsciously feel the only way to keep hold of her is to do so with manipulation, invalidation of her feelings and power. Abusers will threaten to end their relationships if victims to not comply with their damaging demands; once the pattern of abuse has been established, they are able to keep control by making the victims feel responsible for their happiness.

Treatment

Many resources are available online to help people recognize the signs of abuse. BYU's site outlines in detail the many warning signs and symptoms and also provides advice for ending the relationship. Abusers may become violent; if any form of physical abuse occurs, victims should contact the police immediately. Emotional abusers many times have had troublesome pasts and need counseling to help them distinguish how they became abusers and how they can change; counseling is also recommended for victims to repair their self-esteem and senses of individuality.