When a close friend suffers the loss of a loved one, you ache for her and want to ease her pain. You can't bring her loved one back or magically take her pain away. You can never fully understand what she's going through; everyone is alone with her grief. You can do a lot, though, to support her, to ease her suffering, and to help her cope with her loss.
Step 1
Be with him. Many people drop out of sight when hard times come. Be one of those who sticks around. Your mere presence will help him greatly, even if he's too overwhelmed to voice his thanks. It's now more important for him than ever to maintain relationships with other people.
Step 2
Listen to her. It can be hard to hear her cry or listen to her repeat stories about her lost loved one. It's tempting to jump in with advice. Try to avoid cutting her off. Sit and talk with her as long as she needs to. You probably know the deceased too--share your stories. Talking about him will help her process her grief. Each person has her own timeline. It may take her years to return to normal. Don't try to rush her.
Step 3
Do practical things for him. Tidy up his house. Wash the dishes. Buy food and cook some. Make sure his basic needs are met. Pick up the mail and offer to go through it with him. He probably doesn't want to deal with bills right now, but you can help him stay on top of things by preparing envelopes, addressing them, and then mailing them.
Step 4
Take her out for walks. Physical activity and fresh air will be better for her mental health than sitting indoors. Go to a peaceful place such as a park or a quiet beach, and stroll slowly. Make this into a daily thing. Recruit other friends so that she'll always have someone to take her out, even though you all probably have busy schedules. If she's religious, encourage her to attend her church or congregation. Enlist the faith community's help in keeping her engaged in life.
Tips and Warnings
- Take care of yourself too. Get together with other friends and talk. Make a schedule together, planning who's going to visit him on certain days.
- If she talks about suicide so that she can reunite with her loved one--get professional help.
