How To Make Friends With An Enemy

Over the course of life, friends and enemies come and go. At times, one turns into the other. Friendship is often based on shared experience and a common view of life. Enmity is often based on hurt--one party had hurt the other, or so it is perceived. Enemies may have a lot in common. This common ground provides an opportunity to rework the relationship. It is possible to turn enemies into friends, but both sides must be willing to do so.

Step 1

Look at yourself. Examine your actions. Contemplate your feelings. Analyze what it is about the other person that turned him into your enemy. If you had an unpleasant interaction, think back to it. If you feel you've been wronged, try and understand his motivation. See if you too hurt him. If you didn't, think back to other instances where you have hurt people. Acknowledge that nobody's perfect, including yourself.

Step 2

Invite the other person to talk. Choose a neutral ground, such as a coffee shop. It's easy to get up and leave if this doesn't work out, so it won't feel like you're trapped there. It also prevents you from shouting at one another--it would be too embarrassing to do this in a public place. Open the conversation by stating how much the situation pains you and how much you'd like to fix it. Try not to overwhelm him with emotion. Lay out the groundwork for the two of you to get along. Apologize for any wrong you've done him.

Step 3

Give him a chance to think this over. Don't rush him. He might not be ready or willing to change your relationship. Be ready to accept failure. If he does respond in a positive manner, preferably by acknowledging his share of wrongdoing and apologizing, you're good to go. Talk a bit about what happened and remind yourselves of the good times you had before. Talk about common acquaintances--discussing other people is a comfortable way to remark on the absurdity of human behavior and take some focus off yourselves.

Step 4

Help each other with small things. If she needs help with some mechanical task or one that requires heavy lifting, for example, give her a hand. If you work together, bring her coffee. Chat with her about your boss. Work together to get an assignment done more quickly. Don't go overboard--you're trying to be friends, not have a romantic relationship. Take your time. Let things happen at their own pace.