All children need to be shown the steps toward success in life, starting with the basic skills of managing their feelings and making positive, healthy choices. For children troubled by emotional turmoil, whether because of situational experiences, mental illness, or some other disability, if learning to manage their reactions and responses to life is an even more salient starting point on the road to wellness and independence. Making your home or classroom a university of life skills starts with some core lessons of emotional and mental wellness.
Emotional Literacy
Step 1
Teach children how to label their emotions. Build the child's emotional vocabulary by starting with simple, descriptive vocabulary and pictures, stories and songs, as suggested by the Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning.
Step 2
Give daily practice time by asking the child to come up with one emotion that he experienced during the day.
Step 3
Progress in complexity with the child's age.
Managing Expectations
Step 1
Talk to children about upcoming social interactions, starting as young as preschool age. In advance, tell them clearly what behavior will be expected from them. As described by James Lehman, MSW, on AtHealth, the simple art of getting along with others is crucial in life.
Step 2
Ask what they hope will happen during the encounter or engagement, and discuss what might or might not occur.
Step 3
Talk after the situation has ended to clarify if the child's expectations were met or not, and her feelings about the event.
Decision Making
Step 1
Offer simple decision-making opportunities every day. Give the child choices to make regarding things that matter to her. For example, let her choose between two fun activities or two foods.
Step 2
Offer more chances for choosing, as a regular part of their day, as the child matures.
Step 3
Extend opportunities for increasingly more serious choices with greater consequences as the child matures.
Self-Care
Step 1
Teach self-care, for example, grocery shopping and money management, by inviting children along on errands and assigning tasks that will benefit the household or classroom.
Step 2
Tell the children about all the various activities that make up your days--instead of making assumptions that children understand the details of independent living.
Step 3
Invite your child to help you write a list of daily living tasks that she'd like to learn now. Make another list of skills she envisions learning in the future.
Step 4
Think of children as your apprentices in life. Work side-by-side with them at varying levels of supervision, depending on their age, task, and skill level, until they are able to accomplish goals on their own.
Tips and Warnings
- Provide a good example of how you want your child to behave. Increase your own emotional literacy and decision-making skills, and share your journey of learning with the children. Avoid boring the children with lecturing, as recommended by the University of Wisconsin "Family Keys" program. Never hesitate to ask for help from adults around you, whether they are professionals or simply people you admire.
- Accept that, for most children, forward progress usually comes with several steps backward. If you are the child's parent, be cautious of coming across as too objective or aloof in your helpful attempts. Remember the old adage, "A child doesn't care how much you know, until he knows how much you care."
