Whether you've shielded your children from death or have been discussing the subject with them for years, talking to children about the death of a loved one is never an easy task. While it's natural to want to protect your child from the hurt and sadness associated with losing a close friend or relative, it's important that you spend time honestly and directly talking to your child about the death in order to help him understand death and cope with his feelings.
Breaking the News
According to the National Network for Child Care, you should pick a location where you know you can spend some time alone with your child without interruptions. Make sure that you're aware of facts about the death, so you can communicate them if the child asks. Once you tell him the death has occurred, answer any questions or spend time sitting quietly with him. He may need some time to fully comprehend what you're saying.
Openness
According to the Clinic Center at the National Institutes of Health, it's important to maintain open and honest communication with your child when it comes to discussing the death of your loved one. Do not avoid talking about the death; doing so may make your child afraid to bring up the subject for fear of upsetting you. Try to keep the lines of communication open so that your child will communicate her feelings and questions to you.
Clarity
According to KidsHealth from Nemours, children should receive clear, age-appropriate explanations of the death. For instance, children under the age of five or six don't yet grasp the meaning of death and tend to think very literally. Talking to this age group about the death might involve explaining that the person died because his body stopped working. You might also explain the reasons, such as an accident or illness underlying the body's collapse. Older children, although more capable of comprehending the reality of death, also benefit from these types of clear explanations. Avoid using euphemisms for death, such as "sleep," "gone away" or "lost." These sorts of phrases may make a child afraid to go to sleep or cause him to worry that the deceased is actually just on a long trip.
Belief System
KidsHealth from Nemours notes that you may want to share your own belief system's views on death when discussing the death of a loved one. The Clinical Center at the National Institutes of Health adds that it can also be beneficial to tell children that other people have different opinions about death. This evidence of respect for other views may help children if they find an alternative belief system to be more comforting.
Dealing with Questions
As the Clinical Center at the National Institutes of Health explains, it's important to provide relevant, direct answers to all of your child's questions about the death. Since children learn through repetition, your child may ask the questions repeatedly. If your child asks a question and you don't know the answer, explaining your uncertainty is preferable to making up an answer. Be aware of any worries or fears underlying children's questions and provide necessary reassurance.
