Dealing with defiance is part of every parent's job description, according to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. It's normal for children to test limits especially during the toddler and teenage years, and you can develop strategies to handle those behaviors. If your child has serious issues with defiance and hostility, you may need to seek professional help.
Emphasize the Positive
It's easy to react to your child's negative behaviors but take time to notice the positive, too, says Southern Illinois University at Edwardsville. When your child complies with a request or makes a good choice, compliment him right away. He may not show it, but he'll enjoy hearing you say "Great job" or "Thanks for helping me out with that." The university suggests trying to praise your child five times more often than you reprimand him.
Set Limits
Set limits and consistently enforce them. Before incidents occur, talk to your child about rules and consequences, recommends Family Education, a website sponsored by Pearson educational publishing. When a negative behavior occurs, follow through with the prescribed consequence as calmly as you can. Every time you follow through, you send the message the behavior is unacceptable; when you don't follow through, he knows he always has the chance to get away with it.
Pick Your Battles
You can find yourself arguing with your child all day, especially if she's extremely defiant. Instead of getting into constant power struggles, prioritize the behaviors you value, suggests the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. Address the issues that top your list, such as safety and respect, and try to skip less important things, such as what your child wears.
Self Awareness
Work to develop your child's self awareness as well as your own, Family Education says. Help your child express how she feels and understand she can control over her own behavior when she faces challenges. Also, look at your reactions to your child's defiance, and take steps to calm yourself before responding. You'll not only defuse tense situations, but you'll also be a positive role model.
