Making friends and getting your point across are some of the most important skills you can possess in life. Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People," written in 1937, remains one of the preeminent works on interpersonal skills and a bestseller to this day. Knowing how to start a conversation with a stranger and turn them into a friend by expressing your personality can beneficially affect your life. Having these social skills can make you both happier and more confident.
Making Friends
Step 1
Talk to everyone you meet to improve your basic conversational skills. Marcus Oakey, a London based charisma coach, recommends speaking to everyone you come across in your daily routine, whether shopkeepers, waiters, or complete strangers. This practice will further train you in the art of starting and maintaining a conversation.
Step 2
Assume that the conversation will go well. Enter into every conversation with a smile and a sincere belief that you are about to have a friendly, pleasant conversation. Believe that your earnestness and genuine interest will be reciprocated.. Conversely, if you are shy and believe that your presence will not be tolerated, then your lack of self confidence will show, and you will be more likely to get a bad reaction.
Step 3
Make others feel important. Dale Carnegie stresses the benefits of this in a number of ways, the most crucial of which is to avoid criticizing anyone. Ask for their name and use it regularly throughout the conversation. Compliment something specific, and discuss things that they are interested in.
Step 4
Let them talk. Carnegie gives examples of people who are perceived to be excellent conversationalists despite saying relatively little. If you can become genuinely interested in others, this will be well received. Encourage people to talk about themselves.
Step 5
Be confident in yourself. Continue to practice these skills regularly. After a period of time, starting and maintaining a conversation will become second nature. Discuss things you, and others, find interesting, speak passionately and invite your new friends to join your social circle.
Influencing People
Step 1
Be positive. Arguing with people, telling them that they are wrong, or that you do not agree with them, almost always results in them defending their viewpoint more strongly. Encourage people to see your point of view by focusing on what you agree on, rather than what you disagree about.
Step 2
Demonstrate an obvious path to follow. Create abilities to inspire others by assigning complimentary attributes to their character. Refer to someone as a generous, charitable person to encourage them to make a donation.
Step 3
Use "pre-framing" to make people more receptive. Talk to them as if they are already in agreement with you, or by suggesting things like "I know you feel good about this," or "I know you will agree." People will always be more receptive to suggestions when its something they want to do, or if they see it as being in keeping with their character.
References
- "How to Win Friends and Influence People"; Dale Carnegie; 1936
- YourCharismaCoach.com
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