Bipolar disorder, or manic depression, can be seriously damaging to a marriage. Bipolar disorder is an illness marked by intense mood changes. Marriages in which one spouse has bipolar disorder may be tense and lack predictability. Sometimes, the well spouse can become resentful of the person with bipolar disorder because his own needs are not being met, according to Tatty Lou, who has bipolar disorder, writing for HealthyPlace.com. Couples who have the most success believe that both partners have shared responsibility for the relationship.
Types
The four types of bipolar disorder are Bipolar I, Bipolar II, Bipolar Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, or NOS, and Cyclothymia. People who have Bipolar I experience manias and depressive symptoms. Manias are characterized by periods of increased energy, euphoria and grandiosity. They may also be marked by irritability or anger. Depressive symptoms include loss of energy, lack of interest in daily activities, sadness and changes in sleep and appetite. People with Bipolar II experience depressive symptoms and hypomanias. Hypomanias are less severe than manias. They don't require hospitalization but still disrupt normal functioning. Bipolar Disorder NOS is marked by intense mood changes that do not meet criteria for Bipolar I or Bipolar II. Cyclothymia is marked by less severe mood changes that still disrupt normal functioning.
Problems
The first reaction a spouse usually has to a partner's bipolar diagnosis is sympathy, according to David A. Karp, author of "The Burden of Sympathy: How Families Cope with Mental Illness." Later, they may experience anger, frustration and even hate. It's difficult to care for someone with mental illness because they often show denial rather than gratitude. Problems can occur when people with bipolar disorder take out anger and frustration on their spouse. Poor decisions can also lead to arguments. During periods of mania, a spouse with bipolar may put the family in financial trouble, get in trouble with the law or turn to substance abuse. During periods of depression, he may withdraw completely, even from a loving partner.
Help Yourself
When the person with bipolar disorder is ill, it may be necessary for the well spouse to become a caregiver. It's important for the caregiver to show support, but to also draw boundaries and not allow the disorder to keep her from taking care of herself. Keep the boundaries flexible because the demands of mental illness will vary. Take care of yourself by continuing to engage in healthy activities that you enjoy. Let your spouse know how the bipolar disorder is affecting you. You may need to find your own therapist. During difficult periods, remind yourself that they are temporary.
Help Your Spouse
During periods of wellness, people with bipolar disorder should do everything they can to take care of their mental health, such as taking medication, working out and eating right. Encourage your spouse to take care of himself by engaging in healthy behavior with him. Use times of wellness to prepare for future episodes. Devise a plan of action for when bipolar symptoms appear. Decide together which symptoms will signal that it's time to visit a hospital. Take mentions of suicide seriously and seek professional help immediately.
Help Your Relationship
Decide that you want the relationship to work, and look for ways to make that happen. Educate yourself about the disorder. Show support by considering attending support groups together. Maintain open lines of communication. Together, respond to bipolar symptoms clinically, not emotionally. While it may be hard not to take actions personally, remember that your spouse has an illness. Nurture your relationship during the good times by spending pleasurable time together. Focus on what binds you in the relationship, not what separates you. During the difficult times, allow yourself to reminisce about the good times. Consider visiting a marriage counselor.
