In your life, you will face situations that cause you grief. One of the toughest of those situations is the death of a loved one. The grief following the loss can be depressing and may feel unbearable at times, but it is important to remember that grief is a healing process. In her work on grief and grieving, Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross named the five stages of grief people go through following a serious loss--denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Many grief therapists agree that life following the loss of a loved one can be difficult until the fifth stage--acceptance--is reached.
Step 1
Understand the stages of the grieving process. It is important to understand each of the five stages and acknowledge where you are on the road to acceptance. Some people will move more quickly through the stages, while others may get stuck in one of the stages for a significant amount of time. Bereavement counselor Marty Tousley says, "Your goal is to find an appropriate place in your own inner, emotional world for your loved one who has died, so that you can take the legacy he has left you with you into your own future."
Step 2
Embrace feelings and tears. Denying the feelings associated with grief, or finding ways to distract yourself from dealing with these feelings, can be more harmful to coping and working your way through the steps of the grieving process. Repressing feelings or covering them up can cause the grieving process to take longer.
Step 3
Maintain memories of your loved one. Some people believe that in accepting the death of their loved one, they must forget about them. This is not the case, and it's important to remember that even though your loved one is no longer physically with you, his essence remains. "You can still find ways to maintain your loving connection with him. For example, you can hold onto possessions he treasured, share stories about him, feel his presence, talk with him, and carry out rituals that you associate with him," says Tousley.
Step 4
Find a support group. You may choose to find support within your family and friends, or you may want to reach out to a specific support group. Some support groups are based around the relationship to the person who passed, for example those who lost a sibling, parent or spouse, while others may be based on how the loved one passed. You can also find support in a spiritual group, which may help you cope with the loss on another level. Spiritual teacher Sri Chinmoy says, "If we believe we had a past, and we know we have a present, then we can also feel that we will have a future. Knowing this, we have to be always conscious of this truth--that there is no death." Such groups allow you to talk about your feelings and discuss coping skills with others in the same situation. This may help shed light on how to achieve acceptance of your loved one's death.
Tips and Warnings
- Locate a local grief counselor if you feel talk therapy would benefit you in accepting the death of your loved one.
- Don't push yourself to accept the death too quickly. Your body, mind and soul need time to heal and go through the steps of the grieving process.
