How To Date Soon After The Loss Of A Wife

Whether it has been only a few weeks or many months since the loss of your wife, you will at some point begin to think about dating again and building a relationship with someone new. You may feel ready to pursue such a romantic relationship, even if you are not quite sure how to proceed. Moving ahead with thoughtfulness and wisdom can help you to enjoy the process and to avoid the potential pitfalls of dating soon after the loss of a spouse.

Step 1

Allow yourself the necessary time to grieve the loss of your wife. Melinda Smith, Ellen Jaffe-Gill and Jeanne Segal, in the 2009 article "Coping With Grief and Loss: Support for Grieving and Bereavement" on Helpguide.org, explain that "grief that is expressed and experienced" encourages the healing process. They recommend finding friends, family members and a support group to help you navigate your loss and making choices to take care of yourself as well.

Step 2

Ask yourself why you want to begin dating, and seek to answer this question in honest ways. Even though the question has no right or wrong answer, the more you understand why you want to date, the better you will be able to make healthy, honest choices in your dating relationships. For example, if you are looking for a casual dating relationship, you need to be able to communicate that clearly to potential dating partners.

Step 3

Focus on developing friendships first with potential dating partners, and proceed slowly in your dating relationships. Cathy Brody, in the July 11, 2008, article "Dating After the Death of My Spouse" on ThirdAge.com, recommends keeping early dating relationships nonsexual. "Intimacy might mean more to [your dating partners] than to you," she explains, and can increase the potential for conflict and complication in these relationships.

Step 4

Keep communication lines open with your children, if you have any, as you re-enter the world of dating. Ellie Slott Fisher, in "Dating for Dads: The Single Father's Guide to Dating Well," explains that young children, in particular, may feel confused and even betrayed by your desire to build a relationship with someone new. Fisher recommends continuing to talk about their mother and to display pictures of her even as you move into a new relationship.

Step 5

Seek out solid counsel and advice about dating as a widower, particularly if you still have children still at home. Consider joining a support group in your community or at your local church, taking a class on parenting as a single father and reading books about dating after the loss of a spouse. Make sure you have friends with whom you can be honest about your dating experiences and to whom you can go for trustworthy feedback and advice.

Tips and Warnings

Remain patient with yourself as you go through the grieving process. Smith, Jaffe-Gill and Segal explain that the grieving process unfolds differently for every person and lasts anywhere from a few months to a number of years.
Do not avoid the grieving process by seeking to escape it in your dating relationships. You will be able to enjoy a more rewarding romantic relationship when you allow yourself to fully experience and express your grief in healthy ways.