When a recovering alcoholic relapses, it affects family, friends and co-workers, as well as the alcoholic. Supportive friends and family members may lose trust and feel disappointed and let down. According Al-Anon, a 12-step program designed for those who have a loved one who is an alcoholic, alcoholism is a family disease. It usually takes more than just stopping future benders to fix relationships tarnished by the illness.
Step 1
Participate in activities for your own well-bring. Take care of yourself and your responsibilities. Allow your loved one to reap the consequences of his actions. According to the precepts of the Al-Anon program, people who are involved with an alcoholic must work on their own self-esteem to successfully engage in any kind of a healthy relationship.
Step 2
Attend Al-Anon meetings while your loved one attends Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. It's easier to understand the disease and how it affects a relationship when both parties become involved in the recovery process. In addition to finding support for your efforts as a spouse or friend, attending meetings can be an activity you do together as you rebuild your relationship.
Step 3
Make a contract with the alcoholic, who then agrees to follow certain rules that will help you rebuild trust you may have lost following the relapse. For example, ask your loved one to check in with you a couple of times a day, and to call whenever he expects to be late. Keep track of the calls and other agreements you've made on a calendar.
Step 4
Agree not to talk about the relapse for a period of time to avoid fighting, blame and guilt. According to Addiction Info, you need to set a specific time period to see if the drinking remains at bay, and the alcoholic lives up to her agreements without constant nagging or rehashing of the hurt feelings you incurred.
Step 5
Visit a counselor with the alcoholic. According to Addiction Info, statistics show that when an alcoholic attends therapy with a spouse or significant partner, the odds increase for continued sobriety and a healthier relationship.
Step 6
Continue working on the relationship as long as the alcoholic is determined to keep trying to get sober. Recovery from alcoholism is a process that often includes relapse. According to the Mark Houston Recovery Center, knowing that alcoholism is a disease can help you be patient. Instead of thinking about your loved one as a weak, bad person, think of her as a sick person trying to get well.
Tips and Warnings
- Newly sober alcoholics must be wary of triggers that set off the compulsion to drink. You can help your loved one by removing paraphernalia and alcohol from your home, and not drinking in front of the person while you're working on the relationship.
- Don't feel guilty when your loved one tries to blame you for the relapse. Alcoholics are notorious for trying to blame others for their problems.
