Your little darling boy has morphed into a monosyllabic teen. He spends a lot of time on the Internet or playing video games or texting, but doesn't seem to do anything or see anyone. As a parent, you worry about his social skills. Does this mean he has no friends, or social skills, or is is a bit shy? Does he feel that he doesn't quite fit in with the " cool kids" but is not yet consigned to the "reject" category? You can help him form friendships without compromising his own personality.
Step 1
Tell him he won't make friends hanging about the house. Get him off the technology and back in the real world of friendships, fights and making up. Alternately, if he is chatting on social networking sites with people he knows but is not actually friends with, encourage him to meet up with them. It is very important the the social networking friend is known to him in real life.
Step 2
Schedule downtime. If he is overloaded with activities he might not have time to make friends. Just because his schedule is packed does not mean he is making friends with the people who are in his after-school clubs. One or two social activities after school each week will give him the breathing space and confidence to approach a few other teens in those clubs. Let your son ask the children back to your house for dinner. Don't be pushy. Let your son do it in his own time.
Step 3
Brainstorm ideas with him on how other teens make friends. If he lacks self confidence, he might not be so forthcoming. If he plays an instrument or sings, for example, he could put up a notice for others who want to form a band. Work on his strengths and passions, but explain he may have to step out of his comfort zone, be brave and introduce himself to people. Tell him even grownups find this difficult, but it gets easier with practice. Do it with humor, and make sure to tell him not to rule out girls as friends. He might find he prefers the company of girls.
Step 4
Draw non-negotiable boundaries about which peers are acceptable and which are not. No smoking, no drinking, no stealing, no bullying. The pack rule mentality can make it very difficult for your son to get in with a group of friends if they have a pecking order or set of rules that regulate what is "cool" and what is not. That said, psychologist Linda Blair says that choosing friends is an essential part of letting your child grow up: "In order for your child to trust himself, he has to feel that he is trusted."
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