Spousal abuse is also referred to as domestic abuse, or domestic violence when physical harm is involved. It includes several categories, such as mental or emotional abuse, physical abuse or sexual abuse. MayoClinic.com says that abuse between domestic partners tends to begin slowly, on an isolated basis. The behavior increases in frequency and severity over time.
Control
An abuser needs to control the one he says he loves. His behavior focuses on controlling his spouse or intimate partner, rather than friends or acquaintances. HelpGuide.org, an Internet resource for victims of domestic abuse, reports that a cycle develops when you reward him for his behavior by not asserting yourself, or by doing what he wants and complying with his demands. He might stop hurting you if you do comply, but only until the next time you displease him.
Verbal Attacks
Your spouse may be frequently angry at you and vent by calling you names or ridiculing you. She wants you to feel bad about yourself so you never believe you can make it without her. She will attempt to intimidate you through shouting or swearing.
Threats
Abusers frequently use threats to keep their spouses in line. He wants you to understand the ramifications if you displease him or assert yourself. He may hurt a pet or destroy furniture or your possessions to prove to you that he is capable of carrying through with his threats. He may even threaten to kill himself, using guilt to control you.
Violence
Threats escalate into violence when they are no longer enough to control the victim's behavior. Domestic violence involves more than the obvious: kicking, punching, shoving or slapping. According to the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress, it includes pinching, tripping, and even restraint, such as if he crowds you against a wall or locks you in a closet so you can't get away from him. HelpGuide.org reports that abusers are generally careful not to hurt their victims where the bruises can show.
Isolation
An abuser may cut you off emotionally or physically from family and friends. She may begin by criticizing them to convince you that you don't need them in your life. She may move on to restricting you from seeing them. She may refuse to allow you to hold down a job. Emotional support from friends or having money of your own gives you power, which lessens her control over you.
Denial
Abusers are incapable of accepting responsibility for their actions. He may blame you for his behavior. He may say it happened because he had a bad day at work or because of stress from some other source.
Remorse
Incidents of spousal abuse tend to escalate then wane in a pattern, according to MayoClinic.com. If he hurts you enough, you may try to leave. He doesn't want that. He wants control over you and to keep you under his thumb. Abusive actions are frequently followed by expressed remorse, apologies and promises. HelpGuide.org warns that if he has hurt you once he is likely to do it again, no matter how kind or sweet he may be in the interim.
Member Comments