As a child's primary caregiver, you fill an invaluable role in helping your child learn lifelong principles and values. You may not feel equipped, though, to guide the growth and development of your child. You do not have to have a college degree or years of experience to raise a healthy and capable child. Instead, you can develop healthy parenting skills through simple exercises and activities.
Simply Being with Your Child
Develop greater intimacy with your child through the "Simply Being with Your Child" exercise, recommended by Lisa Coyne and Amy R. Murrel in "The Joy of Parenting: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Guide to Effective Parenting in the Early Years." To complete this exercise, first schedule 10 to 15 minutes of "special time" with your child during your day. Choose a time when you will not be interrupted by other obligations or responsibilities, as well as the best time of day for both you and your child. Next, ask your child to choose the activity she would enjoy doing during this time, and engage in that activity with her. Coyne and Murrel encourage resisting the impulse to ask questions, give directions or make negative comments. Instead, notice what your child is doing and feeling, and affirm her through positive and concrete praise.
Genuine and Specific Affirmation
Learn how to reinforce positive behavior through the "Genuine and Specific Affirmation" exercise, suggested by Diane Tillman in "Living Values Parent Groups: A Facilitator Guide." To complete this exercise, seek to share genuine and specific affirmation with your child at least one time during your day. You can give genuine and specific affirmation by using descriptive words and pointing out the child's positive qualities. For example, you might say, "I liked the way you just helped your little brother. You were thoughtful and caring when you did that." Tillman recommends making "appreciative eye contact" and not adding negative or coaching comments to your praise. For example, if you say, "You did a great job cleaning your room," do not add coaching comments, such as "Why don't you do that all the time?" or "If you were more responsible, it wouldn't be such a mess."
Active and Reflective Listening
Help your child learn how to understand and to process his emotions through the "Active and Reflective Listening" exercise recommended by Tillman. She explains parents will often "jump to sympathize, admonish or give advice" when a child is "upset with friends, coaches or teachers." To complete this exercise, set aside time to listen to your child and reflect his feelings the next time he experiences painful emotions. For example, instead of correcting or coaching, such as by saying, "You shouldn't care about what those kids say," try to listen actively and to reflect your child's emotions, such as by saying, "You felt angry and hurt when they made those comments." Active and reflective listening, Tillman explains, allows children "to accept and 'own' their emotions." After the intensity of your child's emotions has diminished, you may, if appropriate, offer a small sentence of advice.
References
- "The Joy of Parenting: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Guide to Effective Parenting in the Early Years"; Lisa Coyne, Amy R. Murrel; 2009
- "Living Values Parent Groups: A Facilitator Guide"; Diane Tillman; 2001
