Human papillomavirus, or HPV, is a very common family of viruses. There are more than 100 types of HPV, some of which may cause genital warts and a very few of which can cause cancer of the mouth, throat, skin, rectum and genitals. According to the Association of Reproductive Health Professionals, as of 2009 the lifetime risk of a sexually active individual being infected with HPV is about 75 percent. HPV is usually transmitted through vaginal and anal sex, although it may also be transmitted through oral sex or skin-to-skin genital contact. Because of this, it's very important to discuss your HPV status with your partner--and inquire about his or her status--before engaging in any sexual activity or genital contact.
Step 1
Educate yourself, using resources such as Navigating HPV and the American Social Health Association (see Resources) to make sure you understand your condition before talking to your partner. Many people attach a stigma to HPV because they are poorly educated about it; being well-informed helps you to combat this and, in turn, educate your partner.
Step 2
Wait until the relationship is already somewhat established before discussing HPV. Obviously, this means waiting to have sexual intercourse as well, since you must discuss your HPV-positive status with your partner before doing anything that might pass on the virus to him.
Step 3
Set aside an entire evening, or at the very least several hours, to have this discussion; your partner may have questions, or may need some time to assimilate this new information.
Step 4
Establish a calm, relaxed tone for the discussion. You're not conducting a confessional, pleading or begging, and there's no need to be ashamed; the majority of sexually active individuals have been exposed to HPV during their lives.
Step 5
Ask your partner whether she is familiar with HPV and knows that the majority of the population has been exposed to it, that it only affects the skin, and that the vast majority of people who have it aren't even aware. This creates an opening for you to mention that you do know you have it. It also creates a chance for you to find out whether your partner has been diagnosed with HPV or not; she may have been waiting for the chance to tell you, also.
Tips and Warnings
- If you're feeling nervous, try practicing in front of the mirror or with a friend until you can discuss your HPV diagnosis calmly. Consider using a script to help you broach the subject; the HPV Forum (see Resources) provides a good example.
