Single fathers face a myriad of issues, ranging from custody arrangements and juggling work and vacation schedules to the day-to-day challenges of raising children alone or figuring out how your priorities and values mesh with those of the children's mother, if she is still involved. Talking with other single fathers and therapists, if need be, can help equip you mentally with the tools needed to be a great dad.
Definition
According to SingleFathers.org, a nonprofit advocacy group, the term "single father" means different things to different people. Some consider the term to apply only to dads who have primary or sole custody of a child or children. The simplest and most accurate definition should be that a single father is a man who has a child, but doesn't live with the child's mother. The percentage of children growing up in single-father homes has increased since the 1980s, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, which reports that in 1970 only 1 percent of kids lived with a single father, while 5 percent of children in the U.S. lived with a single dad in 2002.
Expert Insight
Single fathers who are divorced should consider therapy for themselves and their kids to help deal with any existing problems. Therapy can reassure the children that divorce is common and that many other children have had similar family situations and gotten through them just fine, suggests single dad Russell Wayne, a columnist for FatherMag.com, the online arm of Fathering Magazine. Wayne also suggests reminding the kids that the divorce is not their fault while reminding yourself to move forward and not dwell too much on the past.
Misconceptions
The idea that kids growing up with a single parent have advantages or disadvantages based on their family living arrangements was refuted in an Ohio State University study. The research, published in the November 1998 Journal of Marriage and the Family, found that children growing up with a single mother or father do about the same when it comes to academic performance, relationships with others and behavior. A 2001 Time magazine story on single fathers notes that older boys tend to "fare better" with a single dad, rather than a single mom after divorce.
Financial and Other Matters
In an article in the online magazine Father's World, the U.S. Census reports that single fathers tend to be better off financially than single mothers, and that single dads more often than not have some other female presence in the house whether it's a mother, sister, girlfriend or roommate.
Considerations
If you are a single dad sharing custody of your kids, an article in the online parenting resource magazine Mr.Dad.com offers key points to consider, particularly if you and the mother of your kids do not see eye to eye. The main thing is to make decisions and act in ways that are in the best interests of the kids. This means not using them to deliver messages to their mother or bad-mouth their mother in front of them. Share information from school, the doctor's office and anywhere else that the mother should see. Likewise, give her the benefit of the doubt whenever possible and accept what she says and the advice she offers as provided with the best intentions.
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