In the U.S., whether you're dealing with a preschooler, preteen or teen, not going to school isn't a legal option for children younger than the official dropout age, which varies from state to state. States' laws dictate that every child must be educated in standard school subjects at a public or private school or at home. If you make your child go to school, expect some push back. But one day she might thank you for doing it.
Effects
Notice if your child's refusal to go to school is having a bad affect on her or your family. This is the recommendation of Dr. Christopher Kearney of the University of Nevada, Las Vega School Refusal and Anxiety Disorders Clinic as relayed on Education.com. For instance, ask yourself if your child's school absences are causing his grades to slip or causing you or your spouse to miss work or otherwise perform poorly.
Clues
Kearney advises that you hone in on your child's behavioral clues. For instance, take note if she constantly has vague illnesses like headaches or stomach aches that crop up for no apparent reason. A tendency to complain about mild illnesses may not be anything to worry about, says Kearney. But it's another matter when several bouts of unexplained aches and pains are accompanied by complaints about school, reports of bullying and frequent absences.
Reasons
On the informational web page of the UNLV School Refusal and Anxiety Disorders Clinic Kearney and his colleagues list common reasons why children and teens refuse to go to school. These include not wanting to deal with stressful challenges at school; to stay clear of painful situations with classmates; to avoid tests and being graded; to get attention from people they care about; and to have fun hanging out.
Recommendation
Whether you're dealing with a rebellious teen whose fallen into a crowd that cuts classes or with a kindergartener who kicks, screams and holds your leg in a vice grip when you try to drop him off in the morning, your child must go to school "no matter how hard it is." That's the pearl of wisdom school psychologist and guidance counselor Maryann Roth shares on Education.com.
Solution
Roth and Kearney suggest that you find out what's happening at school. If there's a problem, such as a bullying student or mean adult, address it. Enlist your child's teacher and other school personnel to help you get your child to school. At first, aim low. Your child in school for one hour--even if she sits in the hallway--is better than her totally missing school. It's easier to progress from hallway to classroom than from home to school. During school hours, give your child plenty of tough chores and assignments and keep television, computer and video game screens off limits. Make skipping school suck.
