If you've met someone with whom you'd like to strike up a friendship, a few phone conversations can help you explore what you have in common. Talking on the phone can also help familiarize you with the person's interests and sense of humor, and break the ice before you get to know each other better in person. Keep the conversation going by focusing on the other person as much as you can. As your discussion unfolds, it's more than likely your new friend will ask about you as well, and the conversation will flow naturally and easily.
Step 1
Prepare a list of conversation starters. You can start with basic questions pertaining to the person's background, education or job, and then move on to deeper topics such as aspirations, goals and where you both see yourselves in several years. Spend plenty of time drafting your questions and discussion topics so that you have many ideas and subjects to talk about with the other person.
Step 2
Arrange a time to talk when you won't be distracted. Turn off the television, keep your children or pets occupied, and make sure your environment is calm and peaceful. Making friends over the phone isn't easy if people have trouble hearing you or if you need to put them on hold to take care of day-to-day business.
Step 3
Listen not just attentively but actively. Active listening occurs when a listener focuses on the speaker and periodically restates what's been said so that the speaker knows he or she is being heard. This type of listening also helps the speaker to open up, according to the University of Colorado Conflict Research Consortium. Keep in mind that when you actively listen, you're not waiting for a gap in the conversation so that you can speak but really paying attention to---and trying to understand--what the speaker is saying.
Step 4
Ask open-ended questions--the kind that don't have a "yes" or "no" answer---to get the other person talking. "Open-ended questions are an invitation to chat," say Jo-Ellan Dimitrus and Wendy Patrick Mazzarrella, authors of "Reading People: How to Understand People and Predict Their Behavior." Show interest focusing on topics about which they're clearly excited.
Step 5
Find out what you both have in common and explore those aspects in your conversation. "Look for something in your common situation to talk about. Then look for a question to ask about that situation," says Alan Barker, author of "Improve Your Communication Skills." If you take the initiative and put the other person at ease, you'll relax as well and the conversation will probably flow easily.
Step 6
Make plans to meet each other in person. After a few conversations, you'll probably want to get to know your new friend in real life. Meeting up for lunch or a cup of coffee might be fun, but sharing a common interest will probably bring you closer together and deepen your friendship. Suggest an activity---attending a sports event, book reading or play, for example---that you both might enjoy and which you can discuss together afterward.
Member Comments