Children have an innate desire to please their parents and behave well, according to Linda C. Mayes, M.D., and Donald J. Cohen, M.D, authors of "The Yale Child Study Center: Guide to Understanding Your Child." However, they are often tempted to stray from making good decisions when they encounter peer pressure, because they want to be accepted by their social group. When attending school full time, the opportunities for decision-making increase, and teaching them proper moral behavior ensures they make the right decisions that allow them to feel good about themselves and others.
Heroes and Moral Development
A parent should never try to be the sole influence in his child's life. A child can find role models in a variety of settings--school, books, television and his extended family members. Encourage your child to find models for positive behavior. Tell him stories about successful family members and famous leaders on national holidays. Ask him questions about his teachers and how they handled situations during the day, and point out the positive behavior he reports.
Community and Moral Development
For most of us, our community members do not attempt to interfere when they see children they are not responsible for committing unethical acts. Some experts think this is wrong and recommend giving "thoughtful corrective feedback" to the children of others when their behavior is unethical. Children who think their community is watching them will be more likely to behave well.
Immoral Influences
Teaching children morality may be more important now than ever before. The support systems children have growing up are not as strong in the United States compared with other nations. A 2007 study by the United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF) Innocenti Research Centre reported that the United States ranked 20th out of 21 of the wealthiest countries in family and peer relationships. Additionally, children deal with large amounts of stress that could compromise their judgment skills. For example, in the aforementioned UNICEF study, the U.S. came in last compared with other wealthy nations in the health and safety category. Experts encourage parents to be vigilant regarding the moral training of school-age children, because many are vulnerable to stressful and negative situations.
Expert Insight
The most important role model in your child's life is probably you. Child development expert Marianne Neifert, M.D., said that when her children were younger, she talked about her job and gave medical presentations at their schools; as adults, they became doctors. Modeling moral behavior in the community is an important aspect of moral teaching. Pay attention to the way you speak to service workers and other people on a day-to-day basis. Children pick up their cues from you and will likely treat others the way you do.
Negative influences are becoming more prevalent in society, so parents should step up their moral instruction. Darcia Narvaez, Ph.D., reports that most children now lack the skills necessary to succeed in life, such as social and emotional regulation skills. As a result, many children will experience negative peer influences, and the importance of parental role models is crucial to their success.
Warning
A parent's actions are internalized by her children more than the words she speaks. Be sure to model the behavior you want your child to emulate, even when pointing out the moral misbehavior of others. For example, when talking to your child about another person's moral mistakes to illustrate a point, always focus on the consequences of the offenders' actions, not her personal character. Children should not think that recognizing the mistakes of others gives them license to feel superior.
References
- Parenting.com: Why Kids Need Heroes
- "Psychology Today": Raising a Moral Child: It doesn't take a village, it takes a city!
- "Psychology Today": The Decline of Children and the Moral Sense
- "The Yale Child Study Center: Guide to Understanding Your Child"; Linda C. Mayes, M.D., and Donald J. Cohen, M.D.; 2003
