Communicating with a teenage daughter can sometimes feel like you're talking to a brick wall. No matter what parents do, they often feel like they can't get through to their child. Helping your teenage daughter requires setting firm boundaries but allowing for flexibility within those boundaries. It also requires allowing your daughter the freedom not only to be herself but also to discover who she is and can be with the loving, understanding support of her parents.
Step 1
Create a safe environment in which your daughter feels free to tell you her worries and concerns, as well as her joys. Let her know that nothing is so terrible that she can't come to you for advice and support. "If you have communicated to your daughter that no matter how badly she screws up, you may not love or accept the behavior but you will always love and accept her, you are on the right track," says Cheryl S. Guy, author of "The Secrets to Having the Teenage Daughter You Actually Like."
Step 2
Tell your daughter that freedom is something she must earn. For example, if she wants you to extend her curfew, let her know she must abide by her current curfew for a set number of weeks or months before you'll consider her request. "The message to send your teenage daughter is: the more responsible she can be, the more responsibility she can have," say Gisela Preuschoff and Steve Biddulph, authors of "Raising Girls."
Step 3
Listen attentively to your daughter when you're having a disagreement or conflict and try to understand her point of view. Use "I" statements during your conversation. For example, instead of saying, "You never listen to me," tell your daughter, "I often feel like I'm not being heard." Starting your sentences this way can help build trust and cooperation in your relationship.
Step 4
Discuss sex---and its possible consequences---openly and honestly with your teenager daughter. During this conversation, talk to her about her goals and dreams, and where she sees herself in the next few years. Also discuss how you both can help her achieve her goals. If you frame the conversation in this way, you might help deter your daughter from having sex and becoming pregnant, as she'll see that her goals in life are within reach, Guy writes.
Step 5
Encourage your daughter in the areas in which she excels and about which she is passionate. Showing support can be as simple as asking how a test or event went or complimenting her on hard work. Help your daughter identify her skills and talents and let her know that you're behind her and her endeavors 100 percent.
References
- "The Secrets to Having the Teenage Daughter You Actually Like"; Cheryl S. Guy; 2009
- "Raising Girls"; Gisela Preuschoff and Steve Biddulph; 2006
- Human Potential Center: I-Statements
