How to Deal with the Silent Treatment

Overview

The silent treatment, also known as shunning, is a longstanding practice of the human race. Whether one person does it to another or an entire group does it, this domination tactic designed to ostracize, preys on social behavior and response in order to manipulate and control situations. Ignoring someone normally puts him on the defensive as he tries to figure out a way to regain a former friendship or stature. The desire to belong and get along fuels the silent treatment and, unfortunately, makes it effective as a weapon.

Step 1

Assess the situation and make sure that someone is actually ignoring you or purposely leaving you out of planned events. Sometimes perceptions need a broader base of comparison to establish the credibility of such an attack. Make sure that it is not imagined or simply a matter of strange circumstances or coincidence.

Step 2

Review what behavior or action on your part may have triggered such a response. Tolerance levels vary, and what is a jest to one person can be offensive to the next. Perhaps it was something that you forgot to do, such as remembering someone's birthday.

Step 3

Apologize to the person if you determine what your specific offense was, but do it in a dignified manner without putting yourself down. Express your true concern for the slight or the misunderstanding. Explain that it was not your intention to hurt feelings or to get anyone upset.

Step 4

Offer a general apology if you cannot pinpoint any specific offense that you may or may not have committed and explain to the other party that you want to make things right. Ask the party exactly what you did or did not do to receive this punishment. Always be honest and sincere, but do not be a doormat.

Step 5

Discuss the offense with the other party and explain your rationale for doing whatever it is you did or did not do. Show him your perspective on the situation, but prepare yourself for him to be inflexible about his decision to ignore you or even engage in conversation.

Step 6

Make all efforts to reconcile, but if met with continued refusals, walk away from the relationship and let it pass. There is no sense in expending more time or energy on a hopeless situation. Peace of mind enables the victim to move on with her life, free from guilt regarding the possible offense and the repeated attempts at reconciliation.