After bringing you into the world, caring for you and guiding you safely into adulthood, your elderly parents may be experiencing the slow diminution of their mental and physical powers -- and with it their independence. It may fall to you to make decisions concerning their care, and sensitive subjects -- such as the decision whether to receive home care services, move to an assisted living community or finally surrender a driving license -- may need to be discussed. The U.S. Department of State advises speaking gently but honestly with your elderly parents, and points out that discussions of difficult topics can actually lead to increased closeness, understanding and peace of mind.
Step 1
Write down what you hope to achieve from the discussion. Whether the conversation involves broaching the topic of visiting a physician, sounding them out on possible living arrangements or encouraging them to confer with an attorney about an estate matter, it helps if the goal is clearly stated.
Step 2
Practice the conversation with a "coach" to get valuable feedback on how you are coming across. Although you may feel silly rehearsing in this way, it can be helpful to verbalize things in advance. My Senior Site notes that the coach can be a spouse, significant other, family member or friend.
Step 3
Begin the discussion in a place that is conducive to serious conversation. The area should be free of distracting noises that could make it more difficult for your elderly parents to hear you. Barking dogs, children making noise, loud background music and television can all impair communication. For this reason, My Senior Site advises avoiding family and holiday gatherings when it comes to having important or emotional discussions.
Step 4
Maintain eye contact and speak clearly and respectfully. Caring.com advises trying to have your body language telegraph the love, concern and respect you feel. Avoid grimaces, impatient exhaling or eye rolling.
Step 5
Use "I" rather than "you" statements. My Senior Site notes this technique can defuse defensiveness and lead to negotiation and sharing. "I'm very worried about your ability to drive safely these days " is preferable to "You're too old to drive, and you have to stop!"
Step 6
Rephrase and summarize important points periodically, trying to reflect back what you think your elderly parents are saying. Caring.com advises using the words "I think you are telling me ..." and "What I am hearing you say is ..." In addition, you can double-check your parents' perceptions of your viewpoint by asking: "I'm not sure I'm being clear. What are you hearing me saying?"
Step 7
Express gratitude and appreciation to your parents. Caring.com advocates praising them for doing such a good job bringing you up and acknowledging lessons you may have learned from them.
Tips and Warnings
- My Senior Site suggests bringing a mutual ally along for particularly emotional conversations; the website recommends using someone who is trusted, liked and respected by all parties.
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