Stages of Grief

In 1969, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, published her book "On Death and Dying" examining how people grieve. Many people experience a range of emotions when they are grieving. Dr. Kübler-Ross suggested that there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance. However, grief is a unique experience for every person and while there are similarities in terms of what the emotions are; everyone goes through the cycle of grief in her own way.

Denial

Losing something or someone can often be a complete shock. Even if it's expected, the final transition can catapult us into a stage of disbelief. Denial and numbness might come up; often we don't want to acknowledge that someone we care about is gone and not coming back so we push the thoughts away or distance ourselves from them. Sometimes this is a healthy way of coping. Other times, if we stave off the pain for too long, we can do ourselves harm in the long run.

Anger and Guilt

Often what follows the realization of loss is anger, fear and guilt. You may find yourself angry that the person left you or that you chose something new for yourself. You may be fearful of how you will move on through your life without that person or relationship. You might even feel guilty; why them and not you? Perhaps you wish you communicated your feelings before the person died or relationship ended. Rather than beat yourself up, however, see if you can become objective about your thoughts. These questions can all be helpful in terms of examining what's important to you about how you interact with other people and how you want to carry forward in your own life.

The Blues

Frequently what follows anger is loneliness and sadness, or even depression. You may miss the person, job, pet or relationship and feel so heartbroken that you find yourself crying easily or having a tough time getting out of bed in the morning.

Coming To Terms

After time, you may begin to re-enter more fully into your life; accepting the loss. You might find yourself establishing new patterns or relationships, having more hope and even helping others find their way through a similar situation. The pain of your loss, while not gone, may seem more distant and easier to bear. This can be a good time to try something new; something that helps cement more firmly who you are.

Help Yourself Through

Be gentle with yourself. Understanding that this is a process may help you weather some of the tough times. Know that you will ultimately be OK. According to a study published Feb. 21, 2007, in "The Journal of the American Medical Association," it may take up to six months to start feeling any better. If it's been more than that, you might consider calling on a mental health specialist. Rely on friends, family and nearby support groups or online communities. Although it may feel like it, you are not alone.