Relationships are at the core of human existence. Starting at birth, we begin to form bonds with others, some of which will last a lifetime. Though we are taught math, spelling and how to tie our shoes, rarely are we taught to recognize the difference between a relationship that is good for us and one that is toxic and dysfunctional. Whether they be with our children, siblings, parents or romantic partners, it is important that our relationships encompass the five qualities of a healthy relationship.
Honest Communication
Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Give honest compliments and criticism; apologize when you are wrong and admit your mistakes. Avoid sending mixed messages with lies, half-truths or intentionally misleading words. Nonverbal communication is an important component in face-to-face discussions, so make sure your body language and your spoken word communicate the same message. In healthy relationships, conflict is resolved through questions and open discussion, not by yelling, accusations and blaming.
Consideration and Respect
Show respect by listening carefully to what your partner has to say when she is talking--without judgment, negativity or interruption. Consideration is just as important with intimate partners and family as it is with strangers--so say "please," "thank you" and ask for what you want without demanding it rudely. Give of yourself, including small gifts, to show your affection and caring, not to get something back. Offer your assistance when you see your loved one needs help reaching a goal or performing a task. Do not always wait to be asked. Ignoring or abusing your partner and then apologizing is not the way to go.
Acceptance
Everyone wants to be loved and accepted for who and what he is. Accept that the people you love may have different thoughts, hobbies, feelings, interests, strengths and weaknesses than you. Do not expect or demand that others change who they are to meet your expectations. Harsh criticisms, put-downs, taunts and insults all indicate a lack of acceptance. Telling someone what they "should" say, do, wear, look like or behave indicates that you have serious control issues. Differences do not make others wrong; it just makes them different, which can actually be quite exciting.
Trust
All relationships are founded upon trust. Infants trust that parents will be there and provide food, comfort and security. Adults trust that their romantic partners are who and what they say they are, that they will do what they said they will do and that the feelings and thoughts expressed are genuine. When you trust someone, you relax and let your guard down; you allow yourself to become vulnerable. Trusting that your partner has your best interest at heart and will protect you from harm is the key to the development and sustainability of love.
Clear and Fair Boundaries
Many people mistakenly believe that a relationship means they must always accommodate the needs of their partner and be there for others, often at their own expense. Flexibility in a relationship is wonderful, but you must expect to sometimes say and hear "no." Establishing clear boundaries protects you from becoming an over-giving martyr by establishing guidelines for proper treatment. When you give too much without expecting to be treated equitably, you set yourself up to be taken for granted. In a healthy relationship, giving and receiving of love, time, energy and thoughtful considerate behaviors is demonstrated by both partners toward each other.
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